Adventures in babysitting.

 This is called a lazy post...but, give me a break.  It's the weekend.  Even the unemployed need a moment you know.  

A couple weekends ago I had the pleasure of watching my friends' (Jen and Kevin) kids.  It was an overnight adventure.  I asked Jen for some instructions.  This is the email I recieved:

1:30 arrival/parent departure

1:45 kids will ask for a snack

2:00 kids will be climbing all over you laughing, giggling, screaming, fighting over your lap, and asking for piggy back rides

2:15 kids will ask for a snack

2:30 kids will probably decide they wanna play "friends" and will start talking to each other like adults, as well as talking to you like they are 25 and you're just one of their girlfriends

2:45 bella will tell you she doesn't have to go potty when you ask her to try

3:00 kids will ask for a snack

3:15 kids will ask for a show...madi will wanna watch berenstain bears and bella will wanna watch mickey mouse clubhouse. then they will fight with each other over whose turn it is to pick the show

3:30 bella will ask you for her binky. when you say 'no' she will tell you she needs it because she is gonna rest (the only time she gets her binky is when she is in bed)...she WILL NOT SLEEP

3:45 kids will ask for a snack

4:00 play outside? ask bella to try going potty

4:15 kids will claim they are bored and have nothing to do

4:20 bella will ask to take a nap with her binky (please note** she WILL NOT SLEEP)

4:30 kids will ask you what's for dinner and when it will be served because they will claim to be STARVING!

5:00ish dinner, ask bella to try going potty

5:30 color, play with dolls, playdough

6:00 bella will have an accident because she insisted she didn't need to go potty the last 6 times you asked her

6:30 wind down for bedtime, they will ask for as snack as soon as you ask them to brush their teeth

6:45 ask the to get into their pajamas, this will take 15 minutes, and bella might still be naked

7:00 ask them to get their beds & books ready, go potty

7:15 bella:books, sippy cup, songs, bed...don't mess up the words to anything, she will correct you

7:20 bella will call you in to tell you she forgot to say goodnight to madi

7:30 madi: books, songs, bed...don't mess up the words to anything, she will correct you

7:45 madi will get up and go potty, come downstairs to ask you what you are doing, and what time we will be home. she will then want another hug and for you to go back upstairs and tuck her into bed

8:00 you will think there is a truck in my house...don't worry..it's just madi snoring

you will watch tv, hangout, check your email, whatever...
as soon as you fall asleep bella will call you. when you get to her room she will tell you she dropped her binky. at this point you will get on your hands and knees in the dark and begin feeling around for it. she will be watching you and smiling

2:00AM you will be in a deep sleep having a pleasant dream. you will then hear bella calling for you.
you will go in her room where she'll smile at you and without even trying to move tell you she wet the bed. you will strip her down, change her pj's and put new bedding on the bed. she will watch you from her rocking chair, smiling. put her back to bed, turn on her music and don't try escaping the room before you sing twinkle, twinkle, little star.
go back to bed. you should be safe til the morning.

7:00AM madi will wake first, she'll come find you because she will be famished from her night sleep and need breakfast IMMEDIATELY! bella will follow in about 20 minutes...and the day repeats!!

The following is MY report of how the day went:

1:00 arrival/I'm sweaty from teaching dance need a shower.  Kids jump on me and luckily today Bella decides she will talk to me right away.

 

1:15 Jockey with Jen's parents, Jen and Kevin for a quick shower. Send Mr. Botta to downstairs bathroom to shave.

 

1:17 Tell Jen to come in the bathroom while I shower.  She continues telling me a story while opening the curtain so she can make direct eye contact.  

 

1:30 Finish getting dressed, convince Jen she actually IS pretty, convince Mrs. Botta that no one will notice her smudged nail polish and her shoes will be fine, convince her that she actually IS pretty, say hi to Mr. Botta who wants to kill someone as they are behind schedule, tell Kevin I need the car seats in my car...he looks suspicious.  And annoyed.  And scared.

 

1:35  I am given 2 cameras and everyone pretends to look happy.

 

1:36  Where are the kids?

 

1:45  Everyone leave.  Kids ask for a snack.

 

1:47 Kids ask to go to the playground.  

 

1:55 Get ready for playground.  We cannot find Bella's sneakers.

 

1:58  Bella actually does go potty.  And tells me she needs practice 'wipin'

 

2:05 Shoes are on, on the road

 

2:08 Kids ask if we can go for ice cream after the playground.  Of course I said yes.  I probably want ice cream more than they do.

 

2:09 Madi tells me she wants to go to Skinners.  I say I don't know how to get there.   She does.  I say no.

 

2:10 Madi tells me about her boyfriend.

 

2:10-2:15 Bella talks incoherantly in what I not refer to as 'Bellanese'.  Madi asks why Bella is talking so much.  I silently ask the same question.

 

2:20-3:00- Playground.  Madi shows off and gets stuck on some monkey bars.  Some guy (whose daughter is in Madi's class) has to help me get her down.  Bella wants to do everything Madi does...even though she's too little.  Madi wants to ride in the baby swing.  I get numerous stares from parents everytime the kids yell 'Allah!!! Hey Allah!!'.  Now I am concidered a terrorist threat.

 

3:05 Madi asks to go for ice cream.  And to go to Skinners.  She knows the way.  For some odd reason..I trust her.  

 

3:15 We make it safely to Skinner's.  All with Madi's direction.  What??

 

3:15-3:45  Ice cream.  Blue Dinasaur crunch.  Bella gets it on her face and in her hair.  Then sits in a pile of it.  Eats my ice cream and says she likes mine better.  Madi comments on how fast I eat mine.  I feel self concious.

 

3:50 On the road.  Madi contemplates which way she wants to take me...she knows short cuts.

 

4:00 play on the swings and Madi takes pics of Bella and I with my phone. I am having palpitations because that shit is expensive.  

 

4:10 Madi and Bella are so bored (because I haven't done ANYTHING entertaining with them clearly) and they want to watch a show

 

4:11  Madi claims to be starving and demands to know when dinner is. Begs for a snack.  I am borderline abusive because I tell her she can wait until 5

 

4:12, 4:13, 4:14, 4:15, 4:16  Madi repeatedly claims she cannot wait for dinner.  I ask her if she is going to continue to whine.  She just had a snack before the playground and ice cream.  She can wait 45 minutes.  I tell her if I hear her tell me how starving she is again, dinner won't be until 6.  Which is a lie.  Madi pretends to faint.

 

4:30 I fold some laundry.  Bella helps.  She cannot fold.  I let her fold something, I take it out and refold it.  Repeat.

 

5:00 Ask the girls to pick up their stuff so mom and dad come home to a clean house. I make dinner.  They fight about who is picking up more.

 

5:15 Dinner.  Madi tells me she is a chicken monster.  She asks me why I like 'Spicy Ranch'.  Bella talks some more Ballanese.

 

5:30  Bella shoves me from behind.  When confronted she says it was Madi.  Madi is in her room.  I ask her if she is lying.  She says no.  I tell her she won't have to go to time out if she tells the truth and apologizes, but she will if she lies.  She looks afraid, yet lies again.  I raise one eye brow.  She apologizes.  Then laughs at me.  Rookie.

 

5:45-6:15 Bath.  Both of them.  Madi tells me I have to condition their hair.  They then play 'hey squeeze my nose and something green will come out'.  They learned this from some clown.  Who is this guy?  Snots are everywhere.  

 

6:45 Madi says :Allah....(insert sad face) I didn't eat enough at dinner...I need a snack

 

6:50 Apples with Peanut butter and Nutella

 

7:00  Bella in Bed.  Madi tells me:  Allah...why didn't you bring milk?  Bella gets milk at bed. I get milk.  Madi says 'Allah, why are you only singing one song?  She gets 3.'  I didn't know the other 2.  Madi sings them and pats Bella's head.

 

7:30 Books and bed for Madi.  Success.

 

8:00 Madi is at the top of the stairs.  'Allah...my throat hurts.'  Water, carry her back to bed.  Rub her back until she snores...LIKE A TRUCK DRIVER.

 

8:30 All is quiet.  I review the day.  I am convinced Madi could have handled it all herself...as long as enough snacks were left out.