As I am planning to move my things July first I think about what my life is going to bring--new curtains, decorating, new town. New life. Again.
It makes me freak out about reminisce about the last time I was single, and all the really shadey broad array of guys I dated, and experiences you only have while single.
When I asked for inspiration for my blog my dear friend John had to remind me of a my incident with one of the Nelson brothers. Ohh, you remember 'After the Rain', 'More than Ever', 'Love and affection'--no? Oh, c'mon the twins with the long blond hair. Let me refresh you:
So, John and I both fresh off of other break ups (years ago) decided we would visit our friend Kristen who was singing on cruise ships at the time. Perfect getaway.
John was off to check out the single scene while Kristen and I were on our own mission. It was an unspoken rule that we would stay out of each other's way so as not to be confused as a couple. Kris and I grabbed some drinks and snacks and joined one of the parties by the pool the first night.
About half an hour in a couple of guys sat down with us and started talking. Immediately I knew something wasn't right..why did I know the blond guy? And the other one...a little greasy and rocked out for a cruise. Shortly we were informed that they were the entertainment for the next night. They were quite impressed with themselves. They were less than impressed that we didn't recognize them. Rocker dude was a back-up guitarist for Lifehouse, and Blondie was none other than Gunner Nelson.
'Oh, right--you were on Celebrity Fit Club on VH1 right?'... This was not the right thing to say. He stuck with Kristen for the rest of the night, while Greasy Rocker (whose name I don't remember) vomited information all over me about how great he was.
Where the hell was John? If there was ever a need for an intervention this was it.
But, with I think some Swedish girls on board, there was no hope for this. So, Kris and I were polite until we managed to escape. We figured they would move on to some other unsuspecting girls who would be a little more interested in there 'status'.
Not so much. Somehow Gunner and Rocker seemed to find us at every turn during their 3 days on the ship. Midnight Buffet? Who found us? Yup. You guessed it.
The second night they decided to switch things up, and I was lucky enough to spend some time with Gunner. During one of his trips to the men's room I assured John he would find sudden death should he leave us. I couldn't do this alone, and no matter how uninterested we seemed, the harder it was to lose them. I'm guessing they thought we were 'playing hard to get'. Really we were just playing 'uninterested'.
But, here we were. Kris, Rocker, Me, Gunner...John. Dinner table, food. Fantastic.
While in the buffet line Gunner painted a picture for me. "you should really see my room. It's got a balcony. It's got a huge jacuzzi too...like massive. It's really sweet. I have it all to myself, this huge room. I can just walk around naked whenever I want'.
Was he serious?? Was this suppose to turn me on and make me want to come back to his room? Was I suppose to get excited at the thought of this random guy wandering his room naked just because he sang a couple of hits that I might have danced to at a middle school dance? Yeah..I think that was his plan.
He asked if I wanted to see his room..and I told him maybe some other time, I had to you know..stay with my friends and umm..do laundry...and fold my friends underwear. It just wasn't going to work out tonight. Although the invite was so very....tempting.
We sat down for dinner while John did an amazing job of 'Cock blocking' (as he puts it) for a better part of the night.
As we ate I saw Gunner reach for the salt and pour a ridiculous amount all over his food. Did I mention it was dessert? I knew what he was doing. I read about every magazine known to woman kind. I know a diet trick when I see one. I just couldn't help myself. After 3 nights of them finding us, following us to any even imaginable and making us suffer through hours of stories I didn't care about I had had enough.
"Gunner...are you putting salt on your dessert"?
'Yeah'
"Really? Salt on Chocolate cake?'
'it's..umm..a diet trick..if I put salt on it..I won't eat anymore'.
Honestly, I should have just castrated the poor guy. He looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. However, he had spent one night hitting on my friend, and the rest of this night painting a nightmare of a picture of him and his bad hair wandering his cabin nude. Sorry Gunner.
how come i never heard this story???? hysterical! ;)a
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