The nightmare before Easter

Two years ago I was asked by a place I used to work for if I would dress up as the Easter Bunny for Easter Brunch.  It sounded like easy money and I thought it would be fun!
Even better I thought, I will borrow the costume ahead of time and Easter morning I will show up at the houses of my friends with kids and surprise them.  To clarify, if I showed up at my friend's houses without kids, it would be creepy.
This bunny costume is like most fake bunny costumes, more frightening than anything else.  Also, it's hot as hell.  To paint a picture you really can't see out the eye holes, and there is latex on the inside of the mask so you feel your own hot breath on your face and sound like Darth Vadar.

This year, I had other obligations but, was able to get the costume the night before to do my bunny drive by's.  I stopped at my friend Connie's house and her kids-and cat for that matter- were so excited to see the Easter Bunny.  They showed me what they were coloring and were beside themselves.
Next I drove to Jen and Kevin's.  I parked down a little side street, got out of my car and started suiting up. Of course as I'm half in the bunny suit some guy has to ask for directions, and is seriously interested in my outfit.  Sorry dude, I'm just the Easter Bunny.
Now, Jen's parents were also there.   The whole family was outside by their swing set.
Jen and her family find me funny. Especially when dressed head to toe like Peter Cottontail, and when I do my 'hop' that I reserve for them because it makes Jen wet her pants a little.
Their oldest daughter loved it.  My God-daughter however had a different opinion on the Easter Bunny...Can you tell the two apart?

I always try to do my best to make my God-daughter happy!  Also, for the record, I hop down the street even after I am out of their site when cars of strangers go by.  It's a big responsibility wearing that costume--if I took my head off I could ruin Easter for some poor kid!  Oh...wait...looks like I already did!

That one time when I was a black woman..

I don't know why I have to talk so much about this car singing.  But, I think it is important to really paint a picture of what happens when I am singing in the car.
Getting caught singing 'buh buh buh Bennie and the Jettssss' for me personally, isn't on par with say..picking your nose in the car.  Which, spending so much time in my car for work, I must say is reaching pandemic proportions.
What is it about sitting in your car that lets all your inhibitions go?  It's a box of rolling glass, but we all feel like no one can see us, or that we are invincible.
Of course if I have ever been a passenger in your car you know that I am hyper aware of my own mortality.  As in back seat driver.  Shutting my eyes and telling you to look out.  This is why it is usually best that I drive.  If you have driven with me you know that I obey the speed limit so much, that my little car no longer actually goes more than 10 mile over the speed limit.  She knows how I feel.
Someone asked me today what I was serenading my fellow commuters with this morning and although some of my choices in music are 'poor choices' by some.  I'll admit Britney comes out when the mood strikes, Janet, Madonna, Gaga.  They are all in there.  This morning a song that a good friend introduced me to by the O'Jay's called 'Back Stabbers' was on repeat a couple of times.  If you have never heard this song...I'm sorry it is a must.  It is old school, motown fabulocity.
However, most of the time in my car I am a big black woman.  I said it. In reality, I am a tall slim-ish white girl.  I mean, if you don't know me I am WHITE.  As white as they come.  Irish/Swedish, alabaster, see through, casper your friendly ghost white.
However, my mom told me that I am 'black Irish', and in my car I am a proud black woman..I'm going to run with that.
A lot of the time I am not just Alicia Keys but, I am Patty Labelle, Aretha Franklin, Dusty Springfield, Etta James.  And I am in FULL CONCERT. By this I don't just mean loud singing, I am in full performance mode.  Maybe I am missing my performance roots.  I miss performing in shows, I miss fronting a band. My car is now my stage.  The highways of Mass are my audience.  In the safety of my car I can try and hit those notes that would NEVER come out at karaoke my friends.  I am invincible.  And the crowd loves me.  Usually a standing O.  I have multiple performances throughout the day- 7am, 6pm and usually a matinee or two.  Get your tickets in advance.  I sell out.

Random thoughts of happiness.

I couldn't even blog for the past 2 weeks.  I was THAT sick.  Like I said, or if I didn't say it to you I'll say it again, don't brag about not being sick for  a year and a half.  That's when it gets you.  After the stomach bug, a cold that turned into bronchitis.

I managed on numerous occasions to alienate my co-workers.  The first time was in a meeting when I did the new 'right thing' and coughed into my arm.  I coughed phlegm right on my bicep.  There is no graceful way to get rid of this.  I just reached into my purse and cleaned myself up.  Then, in the middle of a group meeting I started a cough that you just don't come back from, so I left the room.  We work in a building with many other companies.  It was about 8:30 so everyone was coming into work as I triggered my own gag reflex and ran hacking to the bathroom as people ducked and stared like I had SARS.  It was so awesome.
I finally had to leave because I couldn't stop coughing  in my cube and my coworker was like 'REALLY??? I love YOU but, I don't love your cough'.  I didn't blame her.  It was all around nastiness.

BUT, today is a new day!  It's April, and it was a beautiful 89 degrees in Boston today.  I couldn't decide as I drove to my appointments if it was windows up with AC so I could sing, or windows down kinda day....
You know what I did.  Windows down and sang at the top of my lungs.
I got caught in Southie singing 'Bennie and the Jet's' at a stop light--and I didn't even care.
I also didn't care that I was at that stoplight and I watched this mom push the cross walk button in an OCD like fashion (because we all know that makes the light change faster) and then cross before it even changed.  I didn't care, because the guy next to me was DIGGING my Elton John impersonation.

I really brought it home on 93 South at 8:30.  I had just had my hair cut, my new hair dresser rocks and I was in love with life.  I'm talking Empire State of Mind/Alicia Keys in love with life.  Add to that my impending trip to the big apple and I was out of control.  I was singing like everyone sitting in traffic payed MONEY to hear me.  Lucky for them, I can actually carry a tune...but, it's still probably not the highlight of their night.  But, I just didn't care.  I was in THAT GOOD of a MOOD.
That is nice to say.  Good mood.  Singing in cars.  Good haircuts.  Yummy chili waiting for me when I got home..
And the cats.  Oh. Yeah.  There must be a cat in heat in my neighborhood because every night around 9 about 7 cats come to our complex and howl.  It sounds like a PERSON outside.  A person saying 'HELLLOOO', 'HELLOOO'...it doesn't sound fun.  You know what else doesn't sound fun?  Cat sex.  Did you know that male cats have SPIKES on their business???  As in the lady cat isn't going anywhere once he seals the deal.
Tonight, I am happy to not be a cat.

The worst torture of all.

Saturday was a fantastic day.  The morning was perfect: awesome workout, great cup of coffee, nails done, my shower was the perfect temperature.

The afternoon got better:  I met good friends for lunch and ate delicious food and had some good laughs.  After hanging out with Kris and Scott I made my way to my friend Noelle's house.  I had dinner with her and laughed as her son took his spaghetti in his hands and shoveled it in his mouth like it was his last meal. I laughed even harder at his stained face and PJ's when she told me she had just given him a bath.

It was a rare 75 degree day in March.  Naturally this called for some sort of ice cream treat.  We made Frappes.  OHH.  They were delicious.  I felt so good.

My last act of the day at around 10PM was some orange juice with seltzer--just a splash of OJ.  I sat down and thought about my fabulous day, and Brian came home.  About midnight I said--I feel like I'm going to be sick.

Brian said 'Why'...Why do people ask that. I don't know why I feel like that.  Why isn't really a follow up to I feel like I'm going to be sick--is it?  

Anyways, I didn't think too much of it and fell asleep on the couch.  Brian woke me up around 1AM and we went to bed.  

2:30 AM.  I knew I was in trouble.

Let's just say I saw every piece of my wonderful day in rewind the other night.  All night long.  Along with a full recap of my day in food, all mystery went out the door in our relationship as I wimpered that I needed water, and 'STOP RUBBING MY BACK, YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!!'.

As my best friend said, this isn't where the romance dies, it's where true love lives.  That is an awfully poetic picture of our night.

But, it was so true as before work Brian went out to get my gatorade and popsicles so I wouldn't end up in the ER like numerous friends of mine who got the same nasty bug.  

Here is my problem.  Popsicle wrappers.  I just wanted (and got) regular variety pack style popsicles. 

Why aren't they labeled on the outside of the wrapper?  Or better yet-why don't they come in CLEAR wrappers.  Seriously, the popsicles that are packaged as one flavor all have clear plastic wrap.  THOSE popsicles don't need clear wrap--you know what you are getting, you got the box of Edy's Whole Fruit Coconut flavored frozen fruit bars.  THOSE popsicles can have the white wrappers.

When I am sick and can only survive off popsicles, I am just saying WHY do you have to make me guess what's inside?  Why?  There are only two kinds of people that are getting these popsicles:  Kids, and sick people.  

If you bought these for your kids, you know you have opened like 5 that you thought were grape because of the dark shade that you can kinda see through the white wrapping only to find out it's root bear and your 5 year old hates root beer.  So, now you have a box of 5 root bear popsicles with freezer burn because you saved them because, you know, it's wrong to throw away food.

If you bought them because you are sick.  Well, it's just plain torture.  I hate the same popsicles I did as a kid, and now I am going to have those root beer flavored pops in my fridge with a iceberg beard because it is wrong to throw food away...and I will forget about them.

I just want popsicle makers to know 'hold the popsicle up to the light in the wrapper and guess the flavor' when you've been tossing your cookies all night is not a fun game. Ever.

Clear wrappers.  Think on it. Thanks for listening.

During the feminist movement was in 'Erin Go Bragh-less' on St Paddy's day?

I vividly remember one St. Patrick's day that my parents should have intervened on my fashion choice.  I was in 5th grade and I put together one fantastic outfit.  Picture this--if you will.  I was about 4'8 and scrawny as could be.

My mom's 'Kelly green' ribbed v-neck sweater
1 white turtle neck
A different green shaded pair of footless tights with the lace on the bottom
Over those?  A pair of stretch pants that I CUT into SHORTS
Black boots.

I accessorized this with not only shamrock earrings and a 'kiss me I'm Irish' pin, but also somehow I got my hands on a green St. Patrick's themed garter.  Yes.  Garter, that I wore in my hair in a high side pony tail as a SCRUNCHY.
With my electric blue glasses and multi colored braces.
It doesn't get much hotter than that folks.  I'm guessing I got my sense of style from my Great Grandmother--at least her 'greens' matched!

How you can tell we don't have kids...

This (of course) is something that falls into the category of 'TMI', so don't say once again that I didn't warn you.  *You have been Warned*

So, tonight when I got home from work we went for a run at the park near our house, came home and I hopped in the shower while Brian started dinner.
I had just gotten dressed and settled when I heard a knock at the door--I look through the peep hole (I love the peep hole..everyone looks so funny!) and it was our downstairs neighbor.
Of course she comes into our house for the first time when it looks like a bomb has gone off, and I have wet shower head.  Why wouldn't she?  So, I apologize for the nightmare we are living in, and imagine her neat kitchen table and everything put away in her home.  Sigh.
Anyways, she had a leak in her ceiling and was coming to see if we had water come in somehow to cause this problem.  We had no explanation for her so we got to chatting.  About our neighbors, her job etc.
She mentioned she was very 'detail oriented'.
'While some people see the big picture, I can only see the small details--if your car is here, if it moved, what is placed where--things like that, I really notice everything'.
After she left is when I noticed our bottle of 'Astroglide' on one of our living room tables in plain site.  Right next to a picture of us, a candle, and some birthday cards.  The table that you immediately look at when you walk in.
We clearly weren't expecting company that didn't focus on the 'big picture'.  File this under 'more awkward moments'.

Someday when we have a house...

*I won't have to wake up to my neighbor vacuuming on Saturday morning at 7am

*I won't have to jockey for position in line at the 1 washer and dryer our half of the building shares

*I also won't have to touch the other tenants clothes when they leave them in the washer or dryer for hours

*I also won't have to run into my other neighbor who shaves his face in the laundry room, and often does his laundry in his boxer shorts

*I won't get hostile when someone steals our parking space because they are too lazy to fine a guest spot

*I won't have to smell the brazilian cooking permeating through the building (good or bad)

* I won't have to listen to my neighbor's 3 year old at 11pm still playing with his toy drum set.

* I won't have to 'baby-sit' the little girl in the neighborhood who is too friendly with strangers and who looks in peoples windows when she has no one to play with and want to call DSS on a daily basis because her parents are too lazy to watch her themselves.

*I won't have to drive over 8,000 speed bumps everyday

*I won't have a shower that decides every 5 seconds to severely change the temp to something it must think I will enjoy

*I won't be able to hear my Chinese neighbor singing Christmas carols at 6am every morning

*I will be able to wear my heels at any time of day or night and not be afraid to wake up my neighbor

On the flip side... I won't have all the free entertainment right outside my window!