I realized when I walked in and talked to them that I assumed they knew I had made some major changes in my life. When one woman said 'so...umm..are you getting married? Or not?'..
It's moments like this that I wish I could just implant some sort of informational chip in someone's brain so I didn't have to go through the whole thing. I've never been one to mind answering questions about my life--you can truly ask me anything, and I will most likely tell you. I can't think of many things I would consider out of line for someone to ask me. That is just who I am.
However, the difference in this situation is the awkward moment for the person asking me. It is ALWAYS more uncomfortable for the other person because they were nervous to ask, or they just didn't know at all--and now they feel like a jerk for bringing it up. Everyone feels like we need to have a sad conversation--and let's face it now we are in a situation that is fun for no one! Everyone searches for the right thing to say like 'better to know now!' and anything other canned responce you can think of. I try and change the subject as fast as possible.
The worst victim of this time in my life is a friend from college who flew in from Milwaukee a couple of months ago. We were at a party and I was in a conversation with someone else. She comes in, sits on the edge of the couch next to me and grabs my hand looking for my ring. 'LET'S SEE IT!!' (my ring)
It wasn't there. She loves to give people the spot light and make them feel special--this is where she is going with this display. She has drawn the whole room into our conversation in hopes to get everyone in a celebratory mood. She has no idea. The rest of the room comes to a dead stop like they are watching a train crash. My friend Nate behind her is just saying 'umm..no, no...ummm'.
She grabs my other hand thinking maybe I'm going unconventional or something..There is no easy way to tell someone this excited that no, in fact you are not getting married. So, I state the fact. "oh, no..I called off my wedding.'
Her: 'Nate, I'll take that drink'.
In those moments--even in the beginning I was fine. I just felt terrible for the person who didn't get the news.
So, as much as I didn't want to write this blog--because I keep a lot of things that I would love to write about off of here, I knew it is something I needed to do. I thought by dancing around it everyone would eventually catch on and I could just..avoid, avoid, avoid. A lot of people I don't talk to regularly who knew I was getting married--still don't know and it turns out a lot of them read this blog. And 3 months after the fact, it's time to just say it and..well..just say it.
I called off my wedding. There is no need for details, or any of that--that is certainly private and there is no space here for that.
I will say a few things though. When I moved out a neighbor of ours was upset to see me go, she didn't know. She teared up and asked what happened. I simply told her it wasn't going to work out, but that he is a solid, fantastic, wonderful man who always did right by me.
She said 'wow, you're nice to not throw him under the bus'.
As a society it is easy for all of us to digest things like this when there is something salacious to sum it up. If I was Sandra Bullock people could understand! If I could say 'oh, he cheated' or 'oh, he was abusive' or 'oh, he eats meat and I'm a vegetarian'- people could understand. I'm a lucky woman. I don't have any of those things to say--he was none of those things, and we both eat meat.
I'm also a lucky woman to have been in a relationship with someone who treated me like gold, listened to me, helped me through some of my hardest times, laughed with me and was one of my best friends. He raises the bar in many ways for men I date in the future. Not everyone can walk away from a break-up and say that about there ex. I am a lucky woman. I can. I don't regret any decision I made, because it brought me to where I am today, and he was a part of shaping that. At first I almost wished there was something awful to make the process easier to wrap my own head around--as terrible as that sounds.
But, three months out I am confident that it was the right decision for both of us, and I am happy and adjusted. That alone tells me things are as they should be.
And, now if you've read this and you run into me--you know. And you can ask me anything you like and I promise you don't need to feel awkward--there is no need for sad eyes and uncomfortable moments. Things are as they should be and life is full of possibility. And, if my ex ever needs a great reference to give a woman for a future relationship, I will give a glowing review.
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