Goodbye Yellow Brick Road..

So, Boston...skipping down cobblestone streets.  We headed off on date night into a couple of bars just chatting and drinking.  Somewhere along our path, something started to seem...off.  I couldn't put my finger on it.
We ended up stopping at his apartment for a bit where we ran into Michael.  He was clearly annoyed at our existence and after they exchanged some cold words we headed out to a bar about half a block down the street.  This is when Douglas really started to drink. And stop talking.  It was the kind of drinking someone does that is almost embarrassing to watch and make eye contact with the waitress.  Especially since I wasn't even close to catching up.  I had class in the morning 45 minutes away, and had to drive home..because..well, we were still only just kissing in the streets.
As I watch him pound his 4th or 5th Guiness, I really start asking what is wrong.
'OK, I know you and Michael kinda got into it..are you OK'
'I'm fine.  It's fine.'
'Well..umm.  You're really puttin' em back.  You don't really look like you're OK...you can talk to me you know'
'No.  I can't talk to you about this'
'about what?'
'you wouldn't understand'
'try me, I'm pretty understanding..whatever it is couldn't be that bad'
silence.
'truly! You can tell me anything--I'm not going to judge, I'm here to listen'  I was his girlfriend for crying out loud...NO LABELS!
silence.
OK.  Now I was getting worried.  And I told him so.  As I started to make more headway on my own beer and stare off into space as he held his head in his hands and stared at the table, my mind started spinning.
'Look', he said 'I have something I have to tell you.  I've been making myself believe that you didn't have to know, that it didn't matter.  I don't want to tell you.  I can't tell you'
'You can tell me anything, I told you that.'
'Not this, when I tell you, you will never look at me the same again.  You aren't even going to want to be near me'
I couldn't believe it.  I had finally found someone who made me happier than anyone ever had and he had a deep dark secret.  Of course he did.  I started preparing myself for the worst.  This night wasn't going to end well, and I knew it.  I wasn't ready for my fairy tale to end. What could I put up with for deep dark secrets?  What would make him think that I would judge him??  Now that I am typing this..I am realizing..this is JUST like Twilight.  Douglas was my own Edward.
Yeah.  He wasn't a freakin' vampire, that's for sure.
Anyways, what could be so bad?  Oh my GOD.  Oh. My GOD.  This is when I started talking to God.  It was a God drunk dial.  I don't think he appreciated it. I'm sure like the rest of us he prefers his phone calls to be sober, mostly because I assume God is sober all the time.  I'm pretty sure God's not drunk.  Maybe on Sunday God has mimosa's?   He has an awful lot of people talking to him then.  I would need a mimosa.
Sorry.  So, I start bargaining with God.  Please God.  Don't let this end.  What is it?  What did I do to be so unlucky in love??  What is he going to tell me???  What do people judge..hmm..
Maybe he had a kid with his ex girlfriend that he hadn't told me about...maybe they had the baby young and gave her up for adoption..or maybe they didn't keep the baby?  Maybe.
No.  That isn't it.   He is dying.  I know he is dying.  God, you let me find love and he is DYING.  He has some awful un-curable disease...OH. MY. GOD.  THAT is why he hasn't put a hand on me.  He doesn't want me to possibly get sick too.  He's so pale right now, and thin.  I can't believe he is going to die.  I love him.  That's it.  I love him, and even if he is dying I don't care.  I made my mind up.
Douglas was dying and I was going to love him.  Suddenly, I was very sober.
'Let's get out of here'
Douglas nodded and pounded the last of his beer, while I took his debit card and paid our tab.
'Listen, you have to tell me what is going on.  You have to trust that I am going to listen to you, and not judge you.'
We walked to his stoop and sat for what seemed like hours.
'Alison.  What I have to tell you is going to make you get up and walk away from me forever.  I want you to know that I never ever wanted to hurt you, and now I know that I am about to--and I want you to know how much I feel for you before I tell you what I am about to tell you..because, after--I'm not going to have the chance to tell you'
My heart was now doing a tap dance. I almost couldn't breathe.  I just wanted one more day without knowing he was going to die.  I started to cry.
'Alison, the reason why Michael is so upset...is because, he is in love with me.  I had been really confused, and I thought I had feelings for him too.  No one ever knew, but we slept together.  I didn't want to, but he made me, but you have to understand, I love  you.  I want to be with YOU.  You made me realize I am not gay-and I know you can't be with me anymore, but I couldn't keep that from you.  I am so sorry, about everything--but, just know that these past 2 months have been the most amazing months of my life.  I didn't know I could be so happy with a woman, and you made me feel something inside that I didn't know was possible.'

Um.  What?  This is where it gets good.  I bet you think you know what I did right? Of course I either:
A.  Ran off down the street and never looked back
B.  Told him, I was sorry but, he was right I couldn't be with him, and ended the relationship.

I mean--the signs were all now REALLY clear.  He and Michael shared a room.  This was not all that strange in college...but, what was really strange was that although he had an air mattress on the floor...his special pillow was always in Michael's bed.  This to anyone else would be a red flag.  Everyone told me they thought there was something weird with him and Michael..for most-this too would be a red flag.
Not for Alison.

'Douglas..is that it?'
'What do you mean?'
'Is that IT?  Is that the whole secret?'
'uh..yeah'
'It's fine.'
'What??'
'It's fine.  Have you been with Michael since you've been with me?'
'No, never!  You made me realize I'm not gay!'
'Do you love Michael?'
'No!'
'Do you want to be with ME?'
'Yes...but, I know we can't'
'but, we can...it's fine.  Who am I to judge?  You were confused, but I love you and I don't care about your past--I can get past this with you.  I love you.'
'Alison..Michael and I fucked.  We fucked a lot'  Wow. That's a mouth-full. Let me tell you when you're boyfriend is telling you he fucked his roomate Michael.  Not just telling you he slept with him but basically telling you 'HELLO YOU ARE AN IDIOT, RUN FOR THE HILLS' take the cue!!  Run for the hills.  Yeah.  He really said that to me.  Like to really drill the reality in my head of the carnal acts they shared.  I think I shuddered and tried to get the image out of my head, it's not really a dream moment when you find out that your boyfriends past lover is named Michael.
And what did I do?  I told not one single soul.  I was almost a martyr.  We were happy for a whole month after that--things were great.  Do you know how HARD it is for me not to tell my girlfriends something??  Yeah.  They weren't really going to understand this one.
Douglas was like a bird set free.  He was so happy---it was almost as if he now floated.  And, I was kind of awesome because clearly--I could get past anything.
Until the day that Douglas bailed on plans for us.  Michael also didn't show up to class that day.  Odd.
The next night he visited me at school while Michael was in rehearsal..but, he wasn't himself.  He didn't hold my hand.  We barely spoke.
Later on we met up with friends at Beerworks and shared dinner.  The night before Michael had told the director (who we were out with) that he was sick.
She asked if he was feeling any better.  I looked up at Michael.  Michael with a smirk looked at Douglas.  Douglas looked into his beer.
A couple weeks later after multiple non returned phone calls we met up and he told me he had some stuff to work out.
Yeah.  I let him work that out on his own.