The new handshake?

Friday night I planned to go out with some friends in my hometown at a local townie bar to see my dad's band play.
If you know me you know I love to people watch.  Not in a mean way, but people do some fantastic things.  Especially in bars.
As I looked around from my new single perspective, I realized I had stumbled across my very own 'Courgar Town'.  I looked around the bar and saw about 10 kinds of women I am petrified of becoming as I get older.  Clothes might be a little too young, hair a little too colored, make-up a little too...much.  All with a certain smell of fruity cocktails, wine and desperation.

The one woman I hoped maybe I would become was 85 in a black tube top and a white mini skirt with her sneakers.  She was after all 85.  At first I was a little shocked by so much...skin on a woman of such maturity, but as I watched her dance the 40 and 50 somethings to shame, I thought, she's got it right.  If I am out dancing at 85 toss me my tube top and mini, orthopedic shoes and let's call it a night.

She had a jewel studded pin on that was an 'S'.  My friends husband decided it stood for 'Super Cougar'.. Awesome.
I looked around again and realized outside of our group, not so many guys around my age.  A few hours later as some other have come in, I notice one guy looking at me.  We do the look, look away, look again, non-commital smile (because you want to make sure you are smiling at each other smile) routine.
For me...this gets boring after about an hour.  I mean, c'mon come over and say something.  My neck is starting to hurt.
So, I give up and ignore him.  Naturally, this works.  He starts to walk over, smiling, looking friendly.
He walks up close says what I can only guess is a 'hi' as he reaches around...and grabs my ass.  What??? Seriously, I'm not even sure of the words that came out of your mouth and you feel confident enough that I was your hands on me.  Now he's close enough for me to notice, he's not cute enough to get away with it.  What ever happend to at LEAST an exchange of names?  We just go straight to the ass grab?? What have I missed in the last 2 1/2 years??  Clearly something.
Now, what he doesn't know is that my back is to my FATHER.  Who is about 7 feet away.  I turn around sure he must have seen this.  I imagine my father red faced and pissed ready to embarrass this kid.  However, my dad is not the start a brawl in a bar room kinda guy...my family isn't really built for that.  BUT, if you have ever sat through an explanation on..oh.. anything from my father, you know that a lecture is about all the torture anyone needs.  That would take this kid until about 2AM and right to sober.  That would be punishment enough.
Unfortunately, my dad is makin' like Stevie Wonder on the key board and is really into it...I'm not sure he knows he's not alone in the crowd of people.  Oh well.
The ass man goes outside.
10 Minutes later my dad's band calls me up to sing with them.   What the hell.  As I start to sing ass man makes his way to the front of the crowd.  Now, I can carry a tune, but the amount of buds deep he is is apparently the perfect amount to turn me into his own version of Britney Spears, Fergie (insert your own version of a hot pop star here).
I finish up and he knocks someone over to come talk to me.  The conversation goes like this:
Ass man:  You were F&*% unbelievable.  I mean seriously.
Me:  Oh, Thanks
Ass man: like when I like saw you get up there I knew you were gonna rock it
me: really, thanks
Ass man(reaching around the small of my back):  like seriously awesome.  really f-ing awesome.
me(turning a quarter turn):  Thanks
Ass man (turning to try his moves again):  seriously, I can't even believe it. Like f-ing awesome.
Me:  Hi.  I'm Alison (giving him my hand and trying to get his hand off me)
Ass man: oh..umm..I'm Jessie.
Me:  have a nice night Jessie.
The End.  Seriously...is the ass grab the new single handshake?