Get back in the saddle or get off the pot.

Ahhh, the joys of starting a new job.  Figuring out what to wear, navigating the commute, remembering names, figuring out what your new poop strategy will be.  I know, I'm not suppose to say that out loud, but like the children's book says 'Everybody Poops', and I my friends am no exception to the rule.

Maybe I should back up a little bit.  Monday started like any other first day of work at a new job.  At 5am I decided I was done gasping for air and twisting myself in un-natural positions to look at the clock convinced I had overslept.  I was wide awake with adrenaline.  I had laid out my outfit, packed what I thought I might need the night before.  I should note, that once I am in the swing of things this is something I always tell myself I should do-it just never happens.  It is SUCH a good idea though.  Really, a time saver.  Time savers are really important on those mornings when you are up an hour before your alarm.  And you know how often THAT happens once you have been at a job for two months.
I sail into work, with time to spare and beat my boss.  I wait in the lobby because you need an electronic ID to get into the building, and really anywhere on your floor.  An old manager of mine meets me in the lobby (he is now a co-worker)  and gives me a hug, and he is given the OK to bring me upstairs.  His name may as well be Vinny--he embodies every facet of that name with his too long, slightly over gelled hair and North Shore accent.  However, years in California give him an easy confidence and I find him very calming.  I made the right decision.  I am back in the game.
I fill out about 18 stacks of paper work, signing things that are barely legible, give out yet another photo copy of my social security card and I am official.  I love my cube and my co-workers seem really great.

Fast forward a few hours.  I'm pretty sure they forgot about me.  I'm done with paper work, the only thing on my agenda set in stone was a 2:30 meeting with HR, and she had been pulled away by someone else and seemingly forgot to tell me.  I'm trying to look busy, but that is really hard because..well.. I didn't prepare for not having a full day.  Every other job I have ever started has been a blur of people showing me a million things and people, and of course forgetting everything because I have been on overload.  I could have brought my list of prospects in but, I didn't think I'd get to it that day.  I can't even poke around on the internet because...well..it's my first day and that's not right!  Right?!

Even better.  Remember how I said I had to have an ID to go anywhere on my floor?  Yeah.  That meant the bathroom too.  So, everytime I needed the ladies room I had to ask someone I hardly knew for their ID-like I was in high school and needed a hall pass!  I wasn't so sure I made the right decision.
This is when I started to panic.  I was wandering the halls with someone else's hall pass..er.. ID, and I couldn't find my way back to my desk.  'It's a big rectangle, just a big rectangle' I keep telling myself, but I feel trapped.  Trapped in a maze of beeping doors and cubes.

Day 2. New attitude.  Everything is FINE, I am going to be GREAT and gosh darn it..people like me!
 I get on the highway and of course there is a back up.  This does not help the fact that I am already running behind by about 10 minutes because I didn't realize I needed gas.  I try to take an alternate route and I get stuck behind a school bus.
I call my boss from the 93..'hi, umm..yeah. I'm going to be about a half hour late'.  On my second day.

The rest of the week really did pick up for the better.  I am confident that I made the right choice--unfortunately that doesn't make for as good of a story, so I am going to end with bathroom etiquette.  I have to give my friend Heather props for this portion as she is someone who really broke the ice on this topic.  Heath-I am sorry if I have some of the same points as you on this matter, but it must be said.
Getting up before 6am and having an hour or more commute into work really doesn't help your, um 'regularity'.  If Activia really wanted to make an impact they would have Jaime Lee Curtis doing plugs at orientation meetings for new employees around the country.
At one of my previous jobs there was a private restroom that everyone used for their most personal of 'business'.  Everyone knew what you were doing in there, but it was OK.  Because you didn't need to rush, and usually if you listened hard enough to the hallway outside-you didn't get caught leaving.
I am not so lucky now, and after a few days of 'not feeling myself' the jig was up.  I had to be a big girl and suck it up and go.  Now, what IS it about the moment you commit to the action that someone HAS TO WALK IN AT THAT MOMENT.  Everytime.  Without fail.  Try it if you haven't noticed.  Sit in an empty bathroom, and don't do anything.  Then. Decide you are going to go.  You'll hear that door swing open and heels walk in faster than you can ask 'who pee'd on the seat?'.
At that point it is too late.  You can sit in there and hope they don't recognize your shoes.  If you're smart you'll use the handicapped stall because there is less of a chance of you being figured out.  But,  we all still know what's happening.  There are the two obvious clues.
1.  You're taking an awful long time in there and no one can hear you peeing
2.  the other person can hear you taking more than one helping of toilet paper

The other person is never quick are they?  They aren't going to leave the bathroom because they already know that someone is in there.  Their plan is foiled.  So, it's like they want to get back at you by taking their sweet time.  Oh, yeah.  They are going to pull out the lip gloss, spray some hair spray...check their outfit.  They are going to torture you because they are now in their own irregularity hell, and they are mad that you got to go!

It's around this point, after just waiting it out so as not to be found out that I poop...that I realize I left my fancy new ID on the sink.  With my name and mug shot facing up.  Now the jig is REALLY up and I'm sure that person was wondering what the hell I could have been doing in there for 10 minutes.
I love being new.