'Wow, Definitely Decaf sucks..she never writes anymore'! If that's what you have been saying, well do I have good news for YOU.
I am 'between jobs'. You know what that means, lots of time to think of witty things to write about. Or something.
I will say it is not the most exciting news I got all week, but I can't be all Sally Sad Pants about it. Nobody likes a Sally Sad Pants. Except maybe Sam Sad Pants--I bet he likes Sally. But, we are not a fan of Sally here.
This just goes along with my theme of new life directions this year. You can't say I don't keep it interesting!
Naturally after my last day on Tuesday, we got our first oil tank fill up at our apartment. That was a treat. Also, last night my uncle called to let me know when I borrowed his car last week while mine was in the shop I kinda spaced out, thought I was in my OWN car with my 'Fastlane' transponder for the tolls, and went right on through without paying. That's right. Now I owe $50 instead of $1.25. Sweet.
So, in addition to looking for jobs I decided I need to make a list of things to do as you might say I have a bit of a problem sitting still.
My first order of business? I think I'm going to dial up the crazy at the gym..cause really? When else do I have the energy..or umm..time to go twice a day? Never.
So, if you're looking for crazy--I'm on the treadmill. I might not have a job, but, I'm gonna have really big muscles! Well..let's hope so anyways! Stay tuned!
What have we learned today:
1. This blog is going to suck LESS because I will once again be writing MORE
2. As soon as employment has ended you will get a lot of bills
3. Sally and for that matter Sam sad pants do not live here!
4. In a few weeks don't mess with me in a dark alley..I'm gonna be jacked...or at least be able to out-run you.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Life is rough, wear a helmet..or at least marry a guy who helps you make good choices when drunk.
Where has September gone? Clearly I need some caffeine in Definitely Decaf land as my friend pointed out this morning that I have apparently not blogged since August. Oops! This has led to mass chaos and funny little things like my mother wondering my whereabouts out loud on Facebook. As in here status the other day: 'Alison....Missing?'. Again, oops!
So a few weeks ago I was set up on a blind date by friends, something I normally hate. We ended up out at a Mexican restaurant on the patio. It was a beautiful night and plenty of others were taking advantage of one of the last nights of patio dining in the summer. My date also enjoys people watching, which is a plus because I could do that all day. Not in a mean judging way, but in a man...people do the most crazy, silly, stupid, awesome things all day--and don't worry I'm one of them!
So, my date says: 'We've got something over there'.
I look to my left and see a couple I'm guessing in their early 40's getting ready to leave. The first think I notice is their helmets on the table. Not motorcycle helmets. Bicycle helmets. Just at a first glance (which is going to sound an awful lot like judging) they appear to be a little dorky, but judging by the amount of Margarita glasses on the table they have some fun in them as well.
Then it hits me. The bicycles I see leaning against the railing about 30 feet away overlooking a lake must be theres. Of course they must be. Hers has a basket on the front. She looks exactly like the kind of woman who would have a basket on her bike. He looks like the kind of guy who would be proud to be riding next to her. A perfect fit.
They seem to be deep in a discussion as they are getting up, and it doesn't take long to see why. She is completely hammered. I suddenly imagine her as a librarian. The librarian is drunk. She gets up very unsteadily as her husband supports her. She doesn't want to make a scene.
This is when she puts on the face that we all have put on before. It's the 'Wow, I didn't feel that drunk when I was sitting, but now that I am standing I'm pretty sure that I am walking across a floor made of Jello, but I will not let anyone know I am drunk. I am fine to walk out, I do not need a hand, if you touch me I will punch you because I am walking out sober (ish) and proud.'
With that she clumsily threw her shoulders back and walked toward the patio exit. Her face of concentration almost looked angry. We laughed to ourselves as we watched her walk--and I laughed even harder (like a jerk) as one of her legs decided that the ground must be lower than it actually was and her husband caught her. This woman could not walk a straight line if you gave her a piggy back down one.
Then I remembered the bikes. I had to because that's where they walked to. Oh no. This was not going to be good. I figured the husband had enough sense to call a cab or a friend to pick them up--or at least to go for a walk, sit for a bit..something. He had other plans. He must have been drunker than I thought because HE thought it was a good idea for her to GET ON THE BIKE. She kept trying..and failing to mount the bike.
Now I had a sense of panic. I turned to my date and said 'they are going to try and ride their bikes! This is NOT going to end good..they can't ride--look at her! How can he let her on a bike like that?? Is he an idiot???'
A few minutes later after leaning over the railing the librarian is now squating on the ground. Good. They have realized that drunk bike riding is no good for anyone. They are there for a while and we lose interest in their good decision making and get back to our dinner.
Ten minutes later or so, maybe fifteen I look up and realize our drunken friends are gone! We laugh about them making it home and wonder if they walked, rode or called a friend. Hmm...I guess we'll never know..
Wrong. It is right about then that I look over my date's shoulder and see behind him: a cop, an ambulance, about 20 bystanders, the bicycle with a basket, and the librarian. Laid out on the side walk in a neck brace.
How the HELL did we miss that??? Now, in all fairness we think the woman was fine, she was moving all her extremities (drunkenly, but moving them), talking to the paramedics, and seemed to be in good spirits. She had about 8 Margaritas..I would be in good spirits too.
And then there was her husband. Standing off to the side like a dope. Seriously. I just hope that when I marry someone I have at least enough sound judgement to marry a man who will say 'Honey, you are too drunk to drive your bike with the basket. We are going to find a safer way home'. Not some dummy who repeatedly tried to put his wife on a bike! She could have been hit by a car--for all we know she was, we missed the action! That woman is lucky to be alive and have her bike with a basket intact. I just like saying 'bike with a basket'..incase you didn't pick that up.
At least she got a safe ride..to the hospital. Thanks hunny!
So a few weeks ago I was set up on a blind date by friends, something I normally hate. We ended up out at a Mexican restaurant on the patio. It was a beautiful night and plenty of others were taking advantage of one of the last nights of patio dining in the summer. My date also enjoys people watching, which is a plus because I could do that all day. Not in a mean judging way, but in a man...people do the most crazy, silly, stupid, awesome things all day--and don't worry I'm one of them!
So, my date says: 'We've got something over there'.
I look to my left and see a couple I'm guessing in their early 40's getting ready to leave. The first think I notice is their helmets on the table. Not motorcycle helmets. Bicycle helmets. Just at a first glance (which is going to sound an awful lot like judging) they appear to be a little dorky, but judging by the amount of Margarita glasses on the table they have some fun in them as well.
Then it hits me. The bicycles I see leaning against the railing about 30 feet away overlooking a lake must be theres. Of course they must be. Hers has a basket on the front. She looks exactly like the kind of woman who would have a basket on her bike. He looks like the kind of guy who would be proud to be riding next to her. A perfect fit.
They seem to be deep in a discussion as they are getting up, and it doesn't take long to see why. She is completely hammered. I suddenly imagine her as a librarian. The librarian is drunk. She gets up very unsteadily as her husband supports her. She doesn't want to make a scene.
This is when she puts on the face that we all have put on before. It's the 'Wow, I didn't feel that drunk when I was sitting, but now that I am standing I'm pretty sure that I am walking across a floor made of Jello, but I will not let anyone know I am drunk. I am fine to walk out, I do not need a hand, if you touch me I will punch you because I am walking out sober (ish) and proud.'
With that she clumsily threw her shoulders back and walked toward the patio exit. Her face of concentration almost looked angry. We laughed to ourselves as we watched her walk--and I laughed even harder (like a jerk) as one of her legs decided that the ground must be lower than it actually was and her husband caught her. This woman could not walk a straight line if you gave her a piggy back down one.
Then I remembered the bikes. I had to because that's where they walked to. Oh no. This was not going to be good. I figured the husband had enough sense to call a cab or a friend to pick them up--or at least to go for a walk, sit for a bit..something. He had other plans. He must have been drunker than I thought because HE thought it was a good idea for her to GET ON THE BIKE. She kept trying..and failing to mount the bike.
Now I had a sense of panic. I turned to my date and said 'they are going to try and ride their bikes! This is NOT going to end good..they can't ride--look at her! How can he let her on a bike like that?? Is he an idiot???'
A few minutes later after leaning over the railing the librarian is now squating on the ground. Good. They have realized that drunk bike riding is no good for anyone. They are there for a while and we lose interest in their good decision making and get back to our dinner.
Ten minutes later or so, maybe fifteen I look up and realize our drunken friends are gone! We laugh about them making it home and wonder if they walked, rode or called a friend. Hmm...I guess we'll never know..
Wrong. It is right about then that I look over my date's shoulder and see behind him: a cop, an ambulance, about 20 bystanders, the bicycle with a basket, and the librarian. Laid out on the side walk in a neck brace.
How the HELL did we miss that??? Now, in all fairness we think the woman was fine, she was moving all her extremities (drunkenly, but moving them), talking to the paramedics, and seemed to be in good spirits. She had about 8 Margaritas..I would be in good spirits too.
And then there was her husband. Standing off to the side like a dope. Seriously. I just hope that when I marry someone I have at least enough sound judgement to marry a man who will say 'Honey, you are too drunk to drive your bike with the basket. We are going to find a safer way home'. Not some dummy who repeatedly tried to put his wife on a bike! She could have been hit by a car--for all we know she was, we missed the action! That woman is lucky to be alive and have her bike with a basket intact. I just like saying 'bike with a basket'..incase you didn't pick that up.
At least she got a safe ride..to the hospital. Thanks hunny!
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