As 2009 comes to a close, I've realized (mainly because I am so observant) that it is the end of a decade. For me, as I think about it-it really is the end of some sort of era. I've reflected a lot over the past couple of days all that has made up the past decade for me...I'm kinda glad I survived. I plan on following up some of these gems in more detail this week--they are posts all unto themselves.
But, here is my decaffeinated decade in review (in *mostly* particular order):
1. New Years Eve 2000: I quit my job hostessing. Yup. I started off the decade responsibly. All of my friends were going out to see my friend Steph sing at a bar (I was 20). I showed up to the fancy restaurant where I was to work that night. They told me I needed to put on something fancier for New Years Eve. I took this opportunity to go home, call them and tell them I had nothing to wear--GET DRESSED up and go out with my friends! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
2. I turned 20. I'm pretty sure I forced my not quite divorced parents into coming up to my college town for my birthday TOGETHER to spend time with me. I showed my appreciation by getting drunk before they came to make it more tolerable for myself. 20= selfishness.
3. I fell in love with a boy named Douglas. I felt like I had hit the jack pot when he fell in love with me back. Then he had lots of sex with Michael. No. I didn't mean to type Michelle.
4. My roomates and I ran up a $900 dollar phone bill talking to the Psychic Network... a real winning moment for all of us
5. I chased my friend who I thought maybe I could love...I also tried to *save him* from his deep dark demons. Good God Alison. SAVE YOURSELF.
6. An aquaintence of mine begged to take my virginity on a werewolf blanket on a polluted beach. I declined...I was holding out for unrequited love--that's much more romantic...chasing men who aren't interested.
7. I lost 30 lbs.
8. I gained it back
9. I wrote and starred in a one woman show..and got paid to do it
10. I brought embarrassment to a whole new level- loving men who don't love me back...yeah. It was a pattern. I tried a new tactic with a guy I really really cared for--who is a dear friend. I decided to act aloof and sarcastic..and um..really uninterested. Oddly enough....it drove him away--literally and figuratively. After he moved half way across the country..THAT is when I decided to open up about my feelings--boy was I shocked that they weren't returned...I continued the torture by writing a 12 page letter sent priority mail. Eagle Style. You know...big eagle envelope. Why didn't anyone stop me???
11. I found love that I didn't have to chase.
11.5 I lost my virginity....I was a late bloomer. I was holding out! (your welcome dad)
12. I graduated college, and moved in with my first seriously serious boyfriend. It was apartment #13. I should have known better.
13. I watched my friends marry and start families.
14. I got my first big girl job
15. I lost 30 pounds.
16. I loved Nick and Jessica (yes, I am talking about Newlyweds). They broke my heart Thanksgiving of 2005. Never again I said!
17. I sang in two wedding bands
18. I lost that love
19. But, I gained 30 pounds! (anyone see a pattern here??)
20. I bought my first car that came with a payment...that wasn't as fun as it sounded in my head.
21. I moved closer to old friends, and got closer to old friends who helped me out of the deep dark place
22. I vacationed with my best guy friend. We slept in the same bed--and NOTHING HAPPENED. WE TOLD ALL OF YOU IT WASN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. And it didn't. I speak for both of us when I say, Thank GOD!
23. I went to Vegas
24. I got an apartment ALONE.
25. I accrued an unfortunate amount of debt...alone...
26. I lost 40lbs.
27. I did it again. I got attached to Jon and Kate.
28. Jon and Kate did it to me again!! Damn reality TV families. Seriously. Never again.
28. I found the love of my life
29. I told him I couldn't date him
30. I changed my mind...I mean..am I the one who is going to start running now???
31. I said 'YES'!
After all that 2000-present has offered me, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I learned a lot, hurt a lot, laughed a lot, ate a lot, dieted a lot...You know, I'm kinda like Oprah..without the money.
Looking forward to the next decade--I'm thinking it's going to be fabulous. I have a lot to be thankful for--most of which I don't need to chase. Bring on the 2010's, bring on my 30's.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
My grown-up Christmas list..or, Santa help me clean my tub with clothes on
So, of course as an adult we all know how Christmas is for the children. But, when you don't yet have kids of your own, you do at times tend to think of yourself--and I'm sure you do when you have kids too.
I asked for some stuff I would like from family, but usually like everyone else, during the year I buy what I need- so it's hard.
However, this morning as I cleaned my tub before work naked (yea, naked--you have to, you really have to get in there, and when you have the soft scrub with bleach your best bet is to strip down.) I realized, I have a much more elaborate 'grown up Christmas list' that really, only Santa and 8 tiny reindeer can help me out with.
1. A new tub--I don't care if it is bath-fitter, a re-glazing, or a whole new unit. Our tub sucks. Why was I cleaning the tub at 6am this morning nude? Truly because of the first problem. Our drain is always backed up, and we have been so busy over the last few weeks that Drano has not been our top priority. So, last night Brian left the draino in overnight. I got up this morning to a free running drain--SWEET! BUT, I also awoke to all of our nasty hair and soap scum around the tub...I could not get in their and get out feeling clean. I realized this after I stripped down....Now I've got on my yellow gloves and I'm scrubbing.
NOT ONLY do we have a crappy drain..but, before Brian bought the condo the previous tenant had it 're-glazed' where they spray some stuff on it to make it look like new. Well, after a couple of years this stuff comes off in chunks. If you shower at our house you will most likely be ankle deep in water watching white chunks of plastic floating buy. The tub underneath is blue.
Santa, I want a new tub.
2. Windows. OK, this is so embarrasing. Our windows are terrible! Some of them don't open all the way..OK NONE of them open all the way. In the summer without AC we are screwed, and forget about fresh air in any room except the living room where we have a slider. In the winter, we may as well just have the windows open as the wind just comes right in. Why turn on the heat? This year we will be doing that plastic stuff you use the blow-dryer to shrink up over your windows...classy.
Santa, windows please--I've been mostly nice!
3. New paint. Mustard Yellow. That's all I really need to say. Bri picked it out himself, and he is very proud. I feel like we live in the Oscar Meyer Weiner Van.
Sant, we need a paint job--will the reindeer have trouble with that with their hooves?
4. Back to the bathroom--Santa we really need a new air vent. When we turn it on it sounds like dying cats. It's scary.
5. Cash. Santa, if you are not that handy--I am happy to take the total for all of these replacements in cash.
Man..it was so much more fun when all I wanted was a Cabbage Patch and a Koosh ball for Christmas. Maybe not for my parents..but, it was for me!
Merry Christmas!
I asked for some stuff I would like from family, but usually like everyone else, during the year I buy what I need- so it's hard.
However, this morning as I cleaned my tub before work naked (yea, naked--you have to, you really have to get in there, and when you have the soft scrub with bleach your best bet is to strip down.) I realized, I have a much more elaborate 'grown up Christmas list' that really, only Santa and 8 tiny reindeer can help me out with.
1. A new tub--I don't care if it is bath-fitter, a re-glazing, or a whole new unit. Our tub sucks. Why was I cleaning the tub at 6am this morning nude? Truly because of the first problem. Our drain is always backed up, and we have been so busy over the last few weeks that Drano has not been our top priority. So, last night Brian left the draino in overnight. I got up this morning to a free running drain--SWEET! BUT, I also awoke to all of our nasty hair and soap scum around the tub...I could not get in their and get out feeling clean. I realized this after I stripped down....Now I've got on my yellow gloves and I'm scrubbing.
NOT ONLY do we have a crappy drain..but, before Brian bought the condo the previous tenant had it 're-glazed' where they spray some stuff on it to make it look like new. Well, after a couple of years this stuff comes off in chunks. If you shower at our house you will most likely be ankle deep in water watching white chunks of plastic floating buy. The tub underneath is blue.
Santa, I want a new tub.
2. Windows. OK, this is so embarrasing. Our windows are terrible! Some of them don't open all the way..OK NONE of them open all the way. In the summer without AC we are screwed, and forget about fresh air in any room except the living room where we have a slider. In the winter, we may as well just have the windows open as the wind just comes right in. Why turn on the heat? This year we will be doing that plastic stuff you use the blow-dryer to shrink up over your windows...classy.
Santa, windows please--I've been mostly nice!
3. New paint. Mustard Yellow. That's all I really need to say. Bri picked it out himself, and he is very proud. I feel like we live in the Oscar Meyer Weiner Van.
Sant, we need a paint job--will the reindeer have trouble with that with their hooves?
4. Back to the bathroom--Santa we really need a new air vent. When we turn it on it sounds like dying cats. It's scary.
5. Cash. Santa, if you are not that handy--I am happy to take the total for all of these replacements in cash.
Man..it was so much more fun when all I wanted was a Cabbage Patch and a Koosh ball for Christmas. Maybe not for my parents..but, it was for me!
Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Adventures with Anxiety
I'm starting to think that I am going to make friends while in traffic on 93 in the morning. Seriously, I bet if I really paid attention that I am most likely among familiar faces everyday around Columbia Road. By the way..what exactly happens at Columbia Road that we all have to slow down and crawl for an hour before it spontaneously breaks up?
I did make friends one time in the tunnel.... So, it was a very hot day in mid-August a over a year ago. I have never been afraid of tunnels or anything like that. I find them smelly to be stuck in, but as long as my radio comes in I am fine. However...I do have a penchant for being stricken with anxiety at odd times.
So, on this day I come to a complete stop in the middle of the tunnel headed South on 93. I'm just hanging out, and my thought process went something like this:
'Uh, this sucks. I'm really glad I don't get anxious in tunnels--that would be terrible. I would feel so trapped. I wouldn't be able to move or get out at all. Yeah. It's really good this doesn't bother me. I wonder if I can even call anyone to calm me down in here...'
I pick up my phone and of COURSE I have no service..I'm IN THE TUNNEL!!
'Oh my God...it's really hot in here, oh GOD' (I turn on the AC full blast). Now my heart is beating out of my chest and I am in a sweat...and I can't go anywhere!
So, I do the most logical thing. I start waving at the woman in the car next to me. I don't know what I wanted her to do..I wanted her to try and talk me down.
She thought I wanted to get in front of her. So, she makes room for me.
NO!! I start motioning for her to roll down her window like a crazy person. While I'm mouthing 'roll down your window'..Am I the only person who doesn't actually talk out-loud in my car and mouth things to other drivers? Like, if they can't hear me then I shouldn't be able to hear myself...like..to be fair?
Anyways, now this woman is has a look in her eyes that only says 1 thing. Fear. She is AFRAID of me. She thinks I am some wacko.. I don't know why...could it be because I was literally the hot mess in the next lane over flailing my arms???
I was pretty sure I was dying--my heart was just going to give out. How would they get to me in the tunnel? And did it matter?? Clearly I was running out of time.
That's when my Mexican friends in the '92 Honda Civic rolled up. They had no AC, windows down. I was desperate. I rolled down my window...
'Hey'
'Hey Mami'
'lots of traffic huh?' (picture this with me breathing like I just ran the marathon)
'yea, mami' ( they dance along to their music alternating smiling at me and each other...they think they have hit some weird tunnel jack-pot---the girls never want to talk back-they are thinking! This girl is rolling down her window in the tunnel to talk to us!! Little do they know, this mami is having some sort of chemical imbalance and is pretty sure they are going to save her life)
'um (panting really) when do you think it will break up?'
This is where our conversation stops. They don't know enough English...DAMN IT!! What kind of hell is this???
Just then, as I'm about to abandon my car and run down 93 and out of the tunnel certain to make the 6 o'clock news, the traffic breaks.
I dodge, weave, and break off into the freedom of day light.
And, you wondered why I don't drink caffeine.
I did make friends one time in the tunnel.... So, it was a very hot day in mid-August a over a year ago. I have never been afraid of tunnels or anything like that. I find them smelly to be stuck in, but as long as my radio comes in I am fine. However...I do have a penchant for being stricken with anxiety at odd times.
So, on this day I come to a complete stop in the middle of the tunnel headed South on 93. I'm just hanging out, and my thought process went something like this:
'Uh, this sucks. I'm really glad I don't get anxious in tunnels--that would be terrible. I would feel so trapped. I wouldn't be able to move or get out at all. Yeah. It's really good this doesn't bother me. I wonder if I can even call anyone to calm me down in here...'
I pick up my phone and of COURSE I have no service..I'm IN THE TUNNEL!!
'Oh my God...it's really hot in here, oh GOD' (I turn on the AC full blast). Now my heart is beating out of my chest and I am in a sweat...and I can't go anywhere!
So, I do the most logical thing. I start waving at the woman in the car next to me. I don't know what I wanted her to do..I wanted her to try and talk me down.
She thought I wanted to get in front of her. So, she makes room for me.
NO!! I start motioning for her to roll down her window like a crazy person. While I'm mouthing 'roll down your window'..Am I the only person who doesn't actually talk out-loud in my car and mouth things to other drivers? Like, if they can't hear me then I shouldn't be able to hear myself...like..to be fair?
Anyways, now this woman is has a look in her eyes that only says 1 thing. Fear. She is AFRAID of me. She thinks I am some wacko.. I don't know why...could it be because I was literally the hot mess in the next lane over flailing my arms???
I was pretty sure I was dying--my heart was just going to give out. How would they get to me in the tunnel? And did it matter?? Clearly I was running out of time.
That's when my Mexican friends in the '92 Honda Civic rolled up. They had no AC, windows down. I was desperate. I rolled down my window...
'Hey'
'Hey Mami'
'lots of traffic huh?' (picture this with me breathing like I just ran the marathon)
'yea, mami' ( they dance along to their music alternating smiling at me and each other...they think they have hit some weird tunnel jack-pot---the girls never want to talk back-they are thinking! This girl is rolling down her window in the tunnel to talk to us!! Little do they know, this mami is having some sort of chemical imbalance and is pretty sure they are going to save her life)
'um (panting really) when do you think it will break up?'
This is where our conversation stops. They don't know enough English...DAMN IT!! What kind of hell is this???
Just then, as I'm about to abandon my car and run down 93 and out of the tunnel certain to make the 6 o'clock news, the traffic breaks.
I dodge, weave, and break off into the freedom of day light.
And, you wondered why I don't drink caffeine.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Get back in the saddle or get off the pot.
Ahhh, the joys of starting a new job. Figuring out what to wear, navigating the commute, remembering names, figuring out what your new poop strategy will be. I know, I'm not suppose to say that out loud, but like the children's book says 'Everybody Poops', and I my friends am no exception to the rule.
Maybe I should back up a little bit. Monday started like any other first day of work at a new job. At 5am I decided I was done gasping for air and twisting myself in un-natural positions to look at the clock convinced I had overslept. I was wide awake with adrenaline. I had laid out my outfit, packed what I thought I might need the night before. I should note, that once I am in the swing of things this is something I always tell myself I should do-it just never happens. It is SUCH a good idea though. Really, a time saver. Time savers are really important on those mornings when you are up an hour before your alarm. And you know how often THAT happens once you have been at a job for two months.
I sail into work, with time to spare and beat my boss. I wait in the lobby because you need an electronic ID to get into the building, and really anywhere on your floor. An old manager of mine meets me in the lobby (he is now a co-worker) and gives me a hug, and he is given the OK to bring me upstairs. His name may as well be Vinny--he embodies every facet of that name with his too long, slightly over gelled hair and North Shore accent. However, years in California give him an easy confidence and I find him very calming. I made the right decision. I am back in the game.
I fill out about 18 stacks of paper work, signing things that are barely legible, give out yet another photo copy of my social security card and I am official. I love my cube and my co-workers seem really great.
Fast forward a few hours. I'm pretty sure they forgot about me. I'm done with paper work, the only thing on my agenda set in stone was a 2:30 meeting with HR, and she had been pulled away by someone else and seemingly forgot to tell me. I'm trying to look busy, but that is really hard because..well.. I didn't prepare for not having a full day. Every other job I have ever started has been a blur of people showing me a million things and people, and of course forgetting everything because I have been on overload. I could have brought my list of prospects in but, I didn't think I'd get to it that day. I can't even poke around on the internet because...well..it's my first day and that's not right! Right?!
Even better. Remember how I said I had to have an ID to go anywhere on my floor? Yeah. That meant the bathroom too. So, everytime I needed the ladies room I had to ask someone I hardly knew for their ID-like I was in high school and needed a hall pass! I wasn't so sure I made the right decision.
This is when I started to panic. I was wandering the halls with someone else's hall pass..er.. ID, and I couldn't find my way back to my desk. 'It's a big rectangle, just a big rectangle' I keep telling myself, but I feel trapped. Trapped in a maze of beeping doors and cubes.
Day 2. New attitude. Everything is FINE, I am going to be GREAT and gosh darn it..people like me!
I get on the highway and of course there is a back up. This does not help the fact that I am already running behind by about 10 minutes because I didn't realize I needed gas. I try to take an alternate route and I get stuck behind a school bus.
I call my boss from the 93..'hi, umm..yeah. I'm going to be about a half hour late'. On my second day.
The rest of the week really did pick up for the better. I am confident that I made the right choice--unfortunately that doesn't make for as good of a story, so I am going to end with bathroom etiquette. I have to give my friend Heather props for this portion as she is someone who really broke the ice on this topic. Heath-I am sorry if I have some of the same points as you on this matter, but it must be said.
Getting up before 6am and having an hour or more commute into work really doesn't help your, um 'regularity'. If Activia really wanted to make an impact they would have Jaime Lee Curtis doing plugs at orientation meetings for new employees around the country.
At one of my previous jobs there was a private restroom that everyone used for their most personal of 'business'. Everyone knew what you were doing in there, but it was OK. Because you didn't need to rush, and usually if you listened hard enough to the hallway outside-you didn't get caught leaving.
I am not so lucky now, and after a few days of 'not feeling myself' the jig was up. I had to be a big girl and suck it up and go. Now, what IS it about the moment you commit to the action that someone HAS TO WALK IN AT THAT MOMENT. Everytime. Without fail. Try it if you haven't noticed. Sit in an empty bathroom, and don't do anything. Then. Decide you are going to go. You'll hear that door swing open and heels walk in faster than you can ask 'who pee'd on the seat?'.
At that point it is too late. You can sit in there and hope they don't recognize your shoes. If you're smart you'll use the handicapped stall because there is less of a chance of you being figured out. But, we all still know what's happening. There are the two obvious clues.
1. You're taking an awful long time in there and no one can hear you peeing
2. the other person can hear you taking more than one helping of toilet paper
The other person is never quick are they? They aren't going to leave the bathroom because they already know that someone is in there. Their plan is foiled. So, it's like they want to get back at you by taking their sweet time. Oh, yeah. They are going to pull out the lip gloss, spray some hair spray...check their outfit. They are going to torture you because they are now in their own irregularity hell, and they are mad that you got to go!
It's around this point, after just waiting it out so as not to be found out that I poop...that I realize I left my fancy new ID on the sink. With my name and mug shot facing up. Now the jig is REALLY up and I'm sure that person was wondering what the hell I could have been doing in there for 10 minutes.
I love being new.
Maybe I should back up a little bit. Monday started like any other first day of work at a new job. At 5am I decided I was done gasping for air and twisting myself in un-natural positions to look at the clock convinced I had overslept. I was wide awake with adrenaline. I had laid out my outfit, packed what I thought I might need the night before. I should note, that once I am in the swing of things this is something I always tell myself I should do-it just never happens. It is SUCH a good idea though. Really, a time saver. Time savers are really important on those mornings when you are up an hour before your alarm. And you know how often THAT happens once you have been at a job for two months.
I sail into work, with time to spare and beat my boss. I wait in the lobby because you need an electronic ID to get into the building, and really anywhere on your floor. An old manager of mine meets me in the lobby (he is now a co-worker) and gives me a hug, and he is given the OK to bring me upstairs. His name may as well be Vinny--he embodies every facet of that name with his too long, slightly over gelled hair and North Shore accent. However, years in California give him an easy confidence and I find him very calming. I made the right decision. I am back in the game.
I fill out about 18 stacks of paper work, signing things that are barely legible, give out yet another photo copy of my social security card and I am official. I love my cube and my co-workers seem really great.
Fast forward a few hours. I'm pretty sure they forgot about me. I'm done with paper work, the only thing on my agenda set in stone was a 2:30 meeting with HR, and she had been pulled away by someone else and seemingly forgot to tell me. I'm trying to look busy, but that is really hard because..well.. I didn't prepare for not having a full day. Every other job I have ever started has been a blur of people showing me a million things and people, and of course forgetting everything because I have been on overload. I could have brought my list of prospects in but, I didn't think I'd get to it that day. I can't even poke around on the internet because...well..it's my first day and that's not right! Right?!
Even better. Remember how I said I had to have an ID to go anywhere on my floor? Yeah. That meant the bathroom too. So, everytime I needed the ladies room I had to ask someone I hardly knew for their ID-like I was in high school and needed a hall pass! I wasn't so sure I made the right decision.
This is when I started to panic. I was wandering the halls with someone else's hall pass..er.. ID, and I couldn't find my way back to my desk. 'It's a big rectangle, just a big rectangle' I keep telling myself, but I feel trapped. Trapped in a maze of beeping doors and cubes.
Day 2. New attitude. Everything is FINE, I am going to be GREAT and gosh darn it..people like me!
I get on the highway and of course there is a back up. This does not help the fact that I am already running behind by about 10 minutes because I didn't realize I needed gas. I try to take an alternate route and I get stuck behind a school bus.
I call my boss from the 93..'hi, umm..yeah. I'm going to be about a half hour late'. On my second day.
The rest of the week really did pick up for the better. I am confident that I made the right choice--unfortunately that doesn't make for as good of a story, so I am going to end with bathroom etiquette. I have to give my friend Heather props for this portion as she is someone who really broke the ice on this topic. Heath-I am sorry if I have some of the same points as you on this matter, but it must be said.
Getting up before 6am and having an hour or more commute into work really doesn't help your, um 'regularity'. If Activia really wanted to make an impact they would have Jaime Lee Curtis doing plugs at orientation meetings for new employees around the country.
At one of my previous jobs there was a private restroom that everyone used for their most personal of 'business'. Everyone knew what you were doing in there, but it was OK. Because you didn't need to rush, and usually if you listened hard enough to the hallway outside-you didn't get caught leaving.
I am not so lucky now, and after a few days of 'not feeling myself' the jig was up. I had to be a big girl and suck it up and go. Now, what IS it about the moment you commit to the action that someone HAS TO WALK IN AT THAT MOMENT. Everytime. Without fail. Try it if you haven't noticed. Sit in an empty bathroom, and don't do anything. Then. Decide you are going to go. You'll hear that door swing open and heels walk in faster than you can ask 'who pee'd on the seat?'.
At that point it is too late. You can sit in there and hope they don't recognize your shoes. If you're smart you'll use the handicapped stall because there is less of a chance of you being figured out. But, we all still know what's happening. There are the two obvious clues.
1. You're taking an awful long time in there and no one can hear you peeing
2. the other person can hear you taking more than one helping of toilet paper
The other person is never quick are they? They aren't going to leave the bathroom because they already know that someone is in there. Their plan is foiled. So, it's like they want to get back at you by taking their sweet time. Oh, yeah. They are going to pull out the lip gloss, spray some hair spray...check their outfit. They are going to torture you because they are now in their own irregularity hell, and they are mad that you got to go!
It's around this point, after just waiting it out so as not to be found out that I poop...that I realize I left my fancy new ID on the sink. With my name and mug shot facing up. Now the jig is REALLY up and I'm sure that person was wondering what the hell I could have been doing in there for 10 minutes.
I love being new.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Chestnuts roasted...and salted
This is it. I have one day left to myself tomorrow before I start the new job..and somehow I still have too much to do. I decided I wanted to get all my Christmas shopping done before I started this job--and I thought that was rather ambitious when my start date was going to be LAST Monday.
That was before the guy who hired me was no longer with the company and the start-date got pushed back a week, but that is another story. Now, it seems less ambitious and more necessary that I get my shopping done. I'm pretty much there, except for my fiance. Who. Is. The. Most. Difficult. Person. To. Shop. For.
I have a beautiful ring on my finger, and he is getting underwear, pajama pants, clippers, and a CD case so far. Because that is ALL he wants. Well, that's not true- he also wants socks, a new redsox hat, and some gift cards but his mom and sister need ideas too and I can't be a hog. Seriously-what is that list?? I appreciate that he is not materialistic but, I am going to feel all sad and guilty Christmas morning as my engagement ring glistens in his face and he opens his fancy Target underwear. Sigh.
Anyways, I go to this mall I NEVER go to and it's raining out when I go in. I am actually also buying work clothes. It's like everyone who works at this mall just.. gave up. The mall was trashed, clothes falling off the tables, sizes all mixed up, it was at least 110 degrees in the shade and I'm pretty sure the walls started closing in on my after a couple of hours so I headed out.
Now it is snowing, I am on a highway I hate in my ity bity tuna can car going like 40 on the highway, because..well, I'm a nana driving on a good day so decrease my visibility and I may as well have one of those plastic head things on that 85 year old women wear in the rain after they just had their hair set. Everyone is passing me, I am in a sweat with the AC on, and I can't see 10 feet in front of me. Did I mention I never go to this mall? So, I don't know where I'm going.
Somehow by the grace of God I make it back to my hood. Yeah. I live in the hood.
I visit our local Wallgreens conveniently located next door to our local strip club to pick up a couple of things. The woman in front of me takes at least 15 minutes to check out with her Depends, and then I am up. Immediately, the people behind me have to 'close stand' all up on me. I don't know why. It was like, they thought we were one big group and maybe I would get confused and pay for their goods too.
The cashier is about 17 and he looks nervous. THEN the close standers have to bust all in my transaction because they apparently really needed to know if the nuts they wanted to purchase were roasted AND salted. WHAT?
This poor kid, takes money and bags products. All kinds. Magazines, ice cream, Depends, Tylenol. DO YOU THINK HE ROASTED THE NUTS???
I ice skate back to my car, and it is filled with the chords of 'it's the most wonderful time of the year'.
This song was created solely to mock me.
-Ali
P.S. I am watching the news and just an FYI-the highway dept. just lowered the highway speed to 45 MPH. I was doing the speed limit. Settle down!
That was before the guy who hired me was no longer with the company and the start-date got pushed back a week, but that is another story. Now, it seems less ambitious and more necessary that I get my shopping done. I'm pretty much there, except for my fiance. Who. Is. The. Most. Difficult. Person. To. Shop. For.
I have a beautiful ring on my finger, and he is getting underwear, pajama pants, clippers, and a CD case so far. Because that is ALL he wants. Well, that's not true- he also wants socks, a new redsox hat, and some gift cards but his mom and sister need ideas too and I can't be a hog. Seriously-what is that list?? I appreciate that he is not materialistic but, I am going to feel all sad and guilty Christmas morning as my engagement ring glistens in his face and he opens his fancy Target underwear. Sigh.
Anyways, I go to this mall I NEVER go to and it's raining out when I go in. I am actually also buying work clothes. It's like everyone who works at this mall just.. gave up. The mall was trashed, clothes falling off the tables, sizes all mixed up, it was at least 110 degrees in the shade and I'm pretty sure the walls started closing in on my after a couple of hours so I headed out.
Now it is snowing, I am on a highway I hate in my ity bity tuna can car going like 40 on the highway, because..well, I'm a nana driving on a good day so decrease my visibility and I may as well have one of those plastic head things on that 85 year old women wear in the rain after they just had their hair set. Everyone is passing me, I am in a sweat with the AC on, and I can't see 10 feet in front of me. Did I mention I never go to this mall? So, I don't know where I'm going.
Somehow by the grace of God I make it back to my hood. Yeah. I live in the hood.
I visit our local Wallgreens conveniently located next door to our local strip club to pick up a couple of things. The woman in front of me takes at least 15 minutes to check out with her Depends, and then I am up. Immediately, the people behind me have to 'close stand' all up on me. I don't know why. It was like, they thought we were one big group and maybe I would get confused and pay for their goods too.
The cashier is about 17 and he looks nervous. THEN the close standers have to bust all in my transaction because they apparently really needed to know if the nuts they wanted to purchase were roasted AND salted. WHAT?
This poor kid, takes money and bags products. All kinds. Magazines, ice cream, Depends, Tylenol. DO YOU THINK HE ROASTED THE NUTS???
I ice skate back to my car, and it is filled with the chords of 'it's the most wonderful time of the year'.
This song was created solely to mock me.
-Ali
P.S. I am watching the news and just an FYI-the highway dept. just lowered the highway speed to 45 MPH. I was doing the speed limit. Settle down!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Without any further ado..
My BLOG! You would think I just figured out the best thing since sliced bread the way I've dragged this whole thing out. I've been talking to people about my blog to friends and family like I am some famous actor promoting my new movie. I believe however, that this is how we create 'hype'.
Great. Now, I've really spilled the beans. I have to be good or else it won't be worth the 'hype'.
I'm pretty sure that mainly friends and family will be reading this, but I'm going to act all fancy like I have 'fans' who have somehow found this golden nugget of literary art and really speak to them. My people.
So, this post today is an introduction. I think this is going to be really good for my soul. Well, soon I am pretty sure I won't have a soul as on Monday I go back to the wide wonderful world of sales after being out of work (aside from some odd jobs) since August. August...when I wanted to start this blog. But, I digress. So, I am trying to 'save my soul' by doing something creative and finding the laughter in my life that always seems to be there. Trust me, somehow something is always happening. For instance: a week ago I got engaged!!!! Yesterday on the 'Today Show' my fiance and I were immediately bombarded at 7:30 in the morning with the lovely segment on 'cold feet'. What the hell is that? TRUST me, this doesn't happen to everyone!
From here on out you can call me Ali...because...well, that's my name.
I do want to say in the time I have spent 'researching' blogs I have come across some great ones. One of them is so great I am mentioning her in my 1st post! She is a crafty girl who also seems to have crazy things going on. I have actually gone back to the beginning of her blogs and read about most of her life for the past few years and I hope my blogs are as cool as hers someday! Sounds creepy. Anyways, she is funny and if you have one of those great jobs where you get paid to look at things on the internet then check kayla Aimee out here . Make sure you make your way back to me though..bookmark me, put a reminder on your calendar--do what you need to do people. I will keep it interesting!
Great. Now, I've really spilled the beans. I have to be good or else it won't be worth the 'hype'.
I'm pretty sure that mainly friends and family will be reading this, but I'm going to act all fancy like I have 'fans' who have somehow found this golden nugget of literary art and really speak to them. My people.
So, this post today is an introduction. I think this is going to be really good for my soul. Well, soon I am pretty sure I won't have a soul as on Monday I go back to the wide wonderful world of sales after being out of work (aside from some odd jobs) since August. August...when I wanted to start this blog. But, I digress. So, I am trying to 'save my soul' by doing something creative and finding the laughter in my life that always seems to be there. Trust me, somehow something is always happening. For instance: a week ago I got engaged!!!! Yesterday on the 'Today Show' my fiance and I were immediately bombarded at 7:30 in the morning with the lovely segment on 'cold feet'. What the hell is that? TRUST me, this doesn't happen to everyone!
From here on out you can call me Ali...because...well, that's my name.
I do want to say in the time I have spent 'researching' blogs I have come across some great ones. One of them is so great I am mentioning her in my 1st post! She is a crafty girl who also seems to have crazy things going on. I have actually gone back to the beginning of her blogs and read about most of her life for the past few years and I hope my blogs are as cool as hers someday! Sounds creepy. Anyways, she is funny and if you have one of those great jobs where you get paid to look at things on the internet then check kayla Aimee out here . Make sure you make your way back to me though..bookmark me, put a reminder on your calendar--do what you need to do people. I will keep it interesting!
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