Wait a minute...I thought I turned 23 last year.

A dear friend of mine pointed out to me today the fact that I will turn 30 one month from tomorrow.  'Bud! Can you believe you are going to be 30 one month from tomorrow??!'.  Nope.  Kris, I can't.
I have a love hate with 30. I mostly love it because my aunt told me recently that a psychic told her that everyone in heaven is about 30 years old.  Well, that sounds promising!  If heaven is a place where everything is perfect, wonderful, and full of pretty much total amazingness then 30 must be where it's at!
I should focus on that.

However, I have this nagging list in my head of things I should have done before I turned 30. It's nothing I ever wrote down, but it's things I thought I would have done.  For example:

1.  I thought I would have at least 1 child by now.  I actually told Brian a couple of years ago I wanted to be married and at least pregnant with our first child when I turned 30.  Well, we are engaged. That is great-believe me.. but, I am just saying.  Brian remembers the story as 'either engaged or pregnant by 30'.  We often have different versions of the same story.

2. I thought I would be married.  See above.

3.  I thought I would own a house

4.  I thought I would have a clue what I was doing with my life!

5.  I thought I would feel like an adult...I still pretty much feel like I am 21 minus the fake ID, all the drinking and bad decisions

6.  I thought I wouldn't need a part time job in addition to a full time job

7.  I thought I would be able to sleep alone in my bedroom without my light on...I actually sleep on the couch when Brian is away.  I feel like I can spring into action quicker if an intruder breaks in!

8.  Umm...I thought I would have started my 401K.

OK.  I'm getting concerned. I need to stop there.  More to come.  But, hey--in September I ran my first 5k!  Go me.  Excuse me, I need to go make some adult decisions or something.

Ways to feel young again

So, if you are keeping up on my blog..you ARE keeping up aren't you?  Right.  Anyways, if you are then you know my dear friend 'Madonna Mole' had to move out of her place on my left shoulder on Friday.  Little did I know that her annoying housemate 'Betty Blemish' was going to go too.
The plan was to see my doc before the plastic surgeon took off my Madonna.  (I'm going to call it my Madonna from now on because all the 'mole' talk was grossing ME out..that is hard to do).
My doc wanted to take another look at a couple of other things he could steal off my skin, one being a very small blemish under my right cheek (on my face, to be clear).  I had found it this summer and thought it was just a pimple.  However, much to my dismay do matter what I did to Betty (the blemish), she was staying put.  I pointed her out to my doc and he said he would revisit it when I came in to have Madonna evicted.  At that point he was going to try and do some fancy squeezing or something to get her packing.
Yeah.  My day didn't end up like that.  Upon further investigation my doc said, while your in having Madonna kicked out-I'd prefer you kick out Betty too.  Betty doesn't need to get the total boot though, we can just put her on notice with a little scraping.   We want to see what kind of tenant we are dealing with.  Is Betty just annoying...or is she dangerous?  I'm all about getting the danger out of there (have I mentioned my anxiety?) So, I didn't think too much about it and I agreed.
About an hour later, lots of Novocaine, stitches and an unfortunate incident on my face with an instrument that shoots a cold day in HELL on your face to stop bleeding, I was done.  By the way that HELL was shot on my face after the numbness had already worn off.  Yeah.  She had to stop, she thought I was still numb.  Did I mention I wasn't?
I stood up and looked in the mirror.  Not only did I have a massive bandage on my shoulder (to be expected) but, a HUGE one on my face. This was to stay for 24 hours before I could switch for one week to a small round band-aid.  This would have all been fine if I:
A.  Didn't have to go directly to a client meeting
B.  Didn't have to waitress that night.

I was more worried about the waitressing.  My lovely boss-who may be reading this and will kill me for saying she is SUCH A LIAR!  I walked into the restaurant to looks of shock, and co-workers trying to hide their laughter.  Now, I can laugh at myself with the best of them--but when someone tells me I am 'brave' because I came into work and that they would have called out. I knew I had a lapse in judgement.  Now I was SURE I was going to be sent home.  I went down to my bosses office, and she politely LIED and said it wasn't that bad.  I asked her if she would want me bringing her food all night, and she said yes, she would.  Come to think of it, I think she was just imagining a life where I was her servant...hmm..
Anyways, I already had a table.  A table of young girls in their early 20's.  (This is the part where you get to feel young again, I know I am only a month away from 30, but I'm feelin' my age!)
The look on their face said it all. All as in 'OMG, LMFAO, what is wrong with that girls FACE? Is this a joke?  She is going to bring me my food and drink?  FML!  WTF?  LOL!'.  They didn't need to say it.  I agreed.  Sigh.  But, the night went on.  I wasn't sure if I should ignore it or make a joke.  I tried making a joke with one table who said 'OH! I didn't even notice until you pointed it out!'.
Um...lies.  Bold faced lies.  White gauze pads and tape across your whole face don't blend in!  Nice try though lady.  Nice try.
The rest of the night though..I held the jokes.

Goodbye Old Friend, Use Sunscreen.

Tomorrow is the end of an era.  Since before I could remember I have had a mole on the front of my left shoulder.  I love this mole.  I know, that is weird to say but I do.
I remember when I was about 4 years old and I was obsessed with Madonna.  That same year my mother asked me what I wanted to wear for an Easter dress. I replied 'a black lace dress with black finger-less lace gloves'.  You know, just what all 4 year olds wear Easter Sunday.  I'm sure the pastor would have understood.
Also, around that time I convinced myself somehow that Madonna also had the same mole as me.  This made me more like Madonna.  I realized a few years later that I was 'convincing' myself because if you look at her, she does not have the same mole.  I'm pretty sure she has 0 moles on her left shoulder.
But, because that was always in my head it became sort of my sexy mole.  You, know like Cindy Crawford..only, like Madonna.  My point is, I find it distinguishing-even if no one else notices it.

Every six months I am lucky enough to see my dermatologist because I am 'high risk'.  Something about being mostly Irish and Swedish doesn't make for safe sun bathing.  Every six months he has gazed at my mole and let it stay.  Last month, I guess my mole's time was up.  I was informed it had to go-sooner than  later.  Of course, it has to be when I am going to be wearing a strapless dress at my wedding.  Nah, we didn't have to take it 3 years ago, 2 years ago...1 year ago..and certainly not IN a year.  Nope--I get to have a nice fresh scar jut in time for the big day. Perfect.

However, the really sad part is the parting of the mole.  I'm pretty sure I'm not going to recognize myself.  I don't KNOW me without my mole!
So..use sunscreen, and bring on the Mederma and Vitamin E.

Enooga. A tribute to 'Pa'

I know you are wondering why I didn't blog at all this week.  Well, I like to think you are wondering.  No one may be wondering at all!  But...I am going to choose to believe that you ARE wondering.
One of the most important people in my life passed away on Sunday.  My grandfather- 'Pa'.  He would have been 92 years old in May.  We are so lucky to have had him with us for so long--he was sharp as a tack, funny, loving and an inspiration.  Not to go all emotional but, I'm pretty sure the only way to describe how I am feeling is utter heart break.  I'm a little surprised at my reaction, I thought I'd be more graceful.  But..it is just going to take time.  I know a lot of you who read this did not know 'Pa', so you may not be sure you want to read the rest--but, I hope you will.
I was lucky enough to be able to pay a small tribute to him at his funeral by delivering his Eulogy.  It is one of the most difficult things I have had to do in my life, but I am so glad I did.  I hope it makes you laugh, smile and reflect on your life.  Pa would have liked that.  Also note, that there are notes to myself where I held up signs.  You'll see my 'stage notes'--you can ignore those.  Unless, of course you feel like doing some acting.  Keep your family close, enjoy.

A few months back I had a conversation with my grandfather whom most of us in this room refer to as ‘Pa’.  It’s a conversation I wouldn’t soon forget.  It was a hot August evening and we were chatting in his room.  He was reflecting on his life, and said to me ‘Al, when I go—don’t cry for me’—clearly, I’m doing really well with those wishes—I said, ‘Pa of COURSE I am going to cry for you!  And he said, well, Al—the ‘thing of it is’ you shouldn’t.  I have lived a long, full life and I am a lucky man.  I’ve seen a lot of good times—and a lot of bad times, but I have been very fortunate for what I have had—I never dreamed I would live to be 91 years old.

I asked him what he thought the secret of a long life was…he said it obviously wasn’t his health!  But, he did tell me the secret.  I thought to myself,  ‘self’ , someday there will be an opportunity to share that secret, because as simple as it may be—it is most important.

Naturally, when I volunteered to speak today—I thought back to that conversation.  And…forgot.  I FORGOT Pa’s secret to a long life.   This, put a small snag in my plan.  But, it got me to thinking—there used to be a series of books and posters called  ‘everything I need to know about life I learned from: my cat, my dog, my kindergarten teacher.’  Now, I present to you- ‘Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Pa’.

1.   Sing and be musical—Everyday until his last day Pa was musical.  Whether he was playing his accordion at night after dinner in our house, whistling or blaring the music so loud in his car we would swear we could hear him coming from miles down 495—Pa loved his music.  He constantly started sentences with verses from songs—one familiar one:  I don’t want to set the world on fire, Al, I just want to start a flame in your heart.  Even on Sunday his last day—he sang full out a verse of ‘Down the River’ with his doctor.  After the chorus the doctor suggested they skip verse two because he had sung until his oxygen was too low. 

2.   Congratulate yourself—even on small accomplishments.  Every morning in Pa’s most private of morning rituals, he was not afraid to congratulate himself on a job well done.  It is certainly a great way to give yourself a pep-talk for the day! 

3.   Life doesn’t come with a manual-don’t be afraid to take risks in life,  And in fashion.  Ever the person to hate directions of any kind Pa wanted to figure it out himself.  One day while getting ready for Church he came out in his latest plaid creation.  Not one plaid.   But many.  And, to balance it all out—a striped tie.  Luckily we stepped in, but he wasn’t afraid to learn.  In fact, the tie he has on right now, is one he made himself.  He loved working with his hands, fixing, building—anything he could.  He was always ready to dig down into it.  Just don’t hand him the directions.

4.   When faced with fire be it friendly or enemy—get to the bottom of the fox hole.  The only reason some of us are standing here today is because of Pa’s quick thinking, moving…and sheer luck.  When serving in World War two Pa and a Buddy were in Italy—spending a long time being stuck by enemy fire.  They heard the sound of planes coming—and they knew by the sound it was not the enemy.   Then they heard the bombs start to fall and quickly they knew, not all were going to hit the enemy.  As they were trained they had dug themselves a hole—and jumped in.  Pa was lucky enough to be on the bottom.  After 3 days of unconsciousness he awoke—and we all have the soldier on top to thank for that.

5.   Be stubborn.  Cats are said to have 9 lives.  Pa had 900.  Not only did he survive major battles in World War II, but he survived many personal battles as well.   Losing his mother at 12.  Losing his wife Eileen to lung cancer 25 years ago yesterday.  Losing his father and sibling.  Even with all this loss, Pa went on to win. Not always on the golf course-but, he did Win a battle with Colon Cancer, numerous strokes and heart attacks, not to mention a triple bypass surgery 22 years ago that left him with an artificial valve in his heart.  The doctor wanted to put in a pig valve that would last 7 years, because after all—he was almost 70.  Our family opted for the more advance valve.  After all this was Pa.  I think more than a few of us wish that doctor could join us today and witness just how much of a stubborn fighter Pa was 22 years later.

6.   Be impulsive.  After a routine colonoscopy Pa was advised not to make any major decisions for 24 hours.  The next morning Pa pulled into our driveway with a brand new car. 

7.   Live your life with a hint of mischief.  When Pa was younger there was one particular guy in the neighborhood who thought he was quite the ladies man.  Naturally, there was a love hate relationship with him and the boys in the neighborhood  On one of the weeks he was on the ‘outs’ he came to ‘call’ on one of the neighborhood girls.  This girl’s father had a patch of prize-winning cabbage.  Enter Pa and his buddy.  The ladies man was inside long enough for Pa and said buddy to take some rope, tie it around multiple heads of cabbage—and then to the guy’s bumper.  As he waived goodbye to the young lady he was calling on and her family they watched in horror as heads of cabbage bounced down the road attached to his car.  This story, of course was best told by Pa.

8.   Be the life of the party-with charm.  No matter how many times Pa has seen a hospital, he never left without the making his mark.  He seemed to make it his mission to charm every nurse with his flirtations—How DO you keep your coat so WHITE?  MY, that sweater is lovely-where did you buy it.  He was no fool—old school charm NEVER goes out of style.

9.   Don’t live your life with regrets.  One thing that Pa did regret was not finishing school.  He made it until the end of his senior year when he hurt his leg or his ankle.  The principle called him up and gave him grief about not showing up for class.  Pa explained his situation—and the principle refused to believe him.  Pa, being stubborn and a bit of a hot head said ‘fine.  I quit’.  The principal then said you can’t do that!  It’s illegal, I’ll have you arrested, you have to be in school until you are 18.  At which point Pa advised him to look at his records.  He had turned 18 days before.  The principal THEN told Pa he was a thief, as he had school property-all of his books.  Pa told him he could find the books in his locker and he could keep the paper.  If he were here today, he would count that as one of his biggest regrets—and one I know he hated to live with.  He would tell all of us if we have something in life that we regret to fix it-for him, he would have gone back to school.  But, if you ask me—I think he made out just fine.

10.               And finally.  Pa’s actual secret to living a long life.  After wracking my brain, on my drive into work the other day I asked Pa out loud PA—are you out there.  I need the meaning of life!  I FORGOT!  Can you point me to someone I told?? Lead me in the right direction.  About 10 minutes later in my commute, it dawned on me.  I think I posted it on facebook.  I couldn’t bear to look and be disappointed until yesterday.  I searched and searched my old posts.  Just before I gave up—there it was.  I like to think Pa led me there..but, he wasn’t much with computers.

The secret to long life is honesty-with yourself and with others. 

It is so simple, but so right.  The Pa I know, and grew up with in my house knew who he was.  He knew his faults and short-comings and  he wasn’t afraid to laugh at them.  He knew yours too—and he wasn’t afraid to tell you.  But, he also wasn’t afraid to forgive.  The Pa I know may not always see eye to eye with you, and he wasn’t afraid to let you know it.  But, it didn’t mean he loved you any less.  Time made him open to more things, and helped him not to judge the ones he loved.  He loved all of us.   He wanted all of us to reach our full potential, and to make not only him proud—but, ourselves proud.  Because he knew what both sides of the coin felt like for himself.  He would tell us not to take ourselves so seriously, because although his life was long, life itself is so very short. 

He is finally at peace and home now, with his parents, his siblings and his wife.

One final story to leave with you.  Because Pa’s father—the original ‘Pa’ if you will, did not speak great English there were often miscommunications between the two.  For the longest time—up until a few months ago Pa has been using a Swedish word when he was done with something.   As in frustrated.  The Swedish word was Enooga (hold up sign).  In a fight with someone—Enooga!  Can’t figure out how to work the VCR?  Enooga!  Full from dinner Enooga!

Pa was thinking about it one day after seeing a certain word…and realized he had been wrong.  He hadn’t been speaking Swedish all these years—his father had been speaking the English language phonetically!  He looked at the word he realized his father was trying to say.  (hold up sign)  Enough.

I know we can’t promise not to cry for Pa—as he would have hoped, but what we can do is learn from him.  What he did right, what he would change. It was a long life, and it was a good life.    Today we can celebrate his life.  Enooga.

Wondering Wednesday

You will notice todays post is now in a new and improved larger font--thank you for the feedback.  I don't want to be causing eye-strain.  This blog should be your happy time.  I hope if it isn't yet--it becomes your happy time.  I'm a people pleaser.
Also THANK YOU!!  Thank you to those who have started to follow me, those who are going to right now after they finish reading, and to those who commented!  OK.  Enough of this, on to the post.

Question of the day.  Brian and I started having a conversation today about the show Cougar Town.  We can agree on most shows, but Brian doesn't really dig this one.  Which is fine--I don't LOVE the show, but I enjoy it.  It's kind of a guilty pleasure.

Brian:  Is it because one day you'll be a cougar?
Me: (assuming his 19 years older self is already putting himself in the grave) DON'T SAY THAT!!
Brian:  Why??  You'll be a hot older Woman
Me:  Yeah!  Going after a hot younger guy...meaning you are out of the picture!
Brian:  Oh..then you'll be a MILF?
Me:  Well..yeah, if I have kids
Brian:  Well, then anyone could be a MILF...your friends NOW could be MILF's
Me:  Um. Yeah.
Brian:  So..isn't a hot older woman a cougar???
Me: NO, if YOU were a woman and I was a man in our situation, YOU would be a cougar.
Brian: So..what do you call a hot older woman? Just a...hot older woman?
Me:  huh...I don't know?

We want to know..what do you call a hot older woman with no kids, who is not pursuing a younger man?  Inquiring minds want to know.

Pizza and Bagels make me skinny.

So, as 'Blase' nicely pointed out--I need to 'do better on my blogging'.  I think he means post more often--and not do better with my stories or grammar.  He is totally right!  And I know that some of  you out there-you know who you are, are giving me grief about not a lot of posts.  Help me out--become a follower, and comment on HERE instead of my facebook...I mean still put it on my facebook so peeps know I have some fantastic things happening here.  Like strange Boston water and such.
Anyways, I will do my best to post 5 times a week if you get the word out!  Deal?  Good.  I feel better.


So, it's still New Years resolution time.  Obviously, the gym that I go to used to be comfortably filled at any given time.   No waiting for machines or any of that.  January 1.  Everyone and their mother decides that THIS is the year they are going to lose weight!  This is it--it is the magic of January.  I am going to stick to my goals.


Let me let you in on a secret.  Planet Fitness wants you to be fat. There, I said it.  LET ME ALSO SAY that I love Planet Fitness, it is clean, no non-sense, great price-fantastic equiptment.  But, they are counting on you staying fat so you don't quit.  How do I know?
Bagel Tuesday and Pizza Thursday.  The first Tuesday of every month--Bagels in the AM, with ALL the fixins.  First Thursday--yeah you got it.  Greasy, Cheesy, Pizza.  
Why?  Because they are the 'no judgement zone'.  Pay money, come here, work out... ohh, you didn't lose weight because you ate the Pizza we left out for you?  No Judgement!
It's actually a brilliant business plan.  You are on the treadmill thinking about your swim-suit, shorts, or ahem wedding dress.  And all you can think about is Pizza.  I don't know why I can't lose that last 5 lbs you say...OF COURSE YOU CAN'T.  They want to stay in business.  I sound like I am ranting..I'm not. I'm just saying.
I would be ranting if I complained about the people who just sit on machines to take a break or chat with their buddy so no one else can use them.  Or, if I talked about the grease-balls who think it's helpful to stare at my boobs while I lift weights.  OR, the other guys who stare at their own man-boobs and throw weights and grunt. No judgement!

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head!

I know.  I KNOW!  I am terrible--I haven't posted in ages.  I am going to start making a date with myself to commit to writing because apparently some people are getting hostile!
So, here we are January 16th.  One of my New Years resolutions--making time to blog.  How's that working out Ali?  Yeah.

Anyways.  I was off to a client yesterday-unannounced.  Do you remember the New England Telephone commercials from the 80's or 90's?  It would always be some sad sap going somewhere that was closed, and their tag line was 'you should have called!'--then jingle 'We're the one for you New England, New England telephone'.
I think this commercial needs to make a comeback.  I know there is no longer New England Telephone.  I know that cell phone have taken over the landline market.  However, it really was the most helpful commercial because you really thought about calling before you made your way somewhere.

After circling downtown crossing for half an hour I gave in and parked down the street at the parking lot.  I trecked in my heels down the street.  The mysterious Boston water that falls from the sky falling on my head.
If you are from Boston, or have visited YOU KNOW what I am talking about.  It's a sunny day, you are walking down the sidewalk and mysterious water falls on your head, arms, face. It's gross.  You look up and you don't know where it is coming from.  It's like God is peeing on me and laughing at me because I can't see him.  God.  It's not funny. STOP peeing on me.  For real.

Anyways, yeah.  My client had just left.  I should have called!  'we're the one for you New England, but we no longer exist' or have helpful reminder commercials to call before you show up.